Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wishing a wonderful Christmas to all my bloggy friends! And, to my RA friends, may this Christmas find you un-swollen, pain-free, well-rested and mobile enough to dance around any tree! Thank you for all the support this past year. I hope Santa is good to everyone :)
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I hate it. Plain and simple. Apparently, the other day, it was 7*C here and 4*C in Miami. Just to give you a better idea of where we are in relation to Miami, have a gander at this:
Having no snow blows.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I don't want a green christmas, not in Labrador! If you see someone moving funny and flailing her arms, dont' worry, that's just me doing a snow dance. Please send all your good snow vibes my way!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Well, just a couple of months ago I found out about a story competition. A competition hosted by Scholastic in which three unpublished stories based in communities in Canada vie for the most votes. The winning story will be Robert Munsch's latest publication AND Mr. Munsch himself will go to the community to launch the book.
So, one of the competing towns just happened to be my hometown of Rigolet, Labrador. I voted my little heart out, I told everybody about it (except here, which is totally ridiculous), and blasted it on my facebook at random times. The winner was announced on November 1st. Can you guess what community won? Really, can you??? That's right, little ol' Rigolet took it!! My beautiful hometown of about 350 people will have a children's book published with a story set there. I'm so proud!
Monday, November 1, 2010
I even found a school that does it through distance. But, I'm pretty sure that even at 31 years old, I'm not fully grown-up yet. Should I just start school now, and then use it how I will, or should I just wait a few years, as was my original plan?? Or, should I just go ahead and do a starter course that can be done on its own, either for personal knowledge or as a lead-in to the full program? I just can't seem to get around to doing anything. Which leads me to believe that I am not ready. Or, maybe just lazy.
Basically, I just want someone to tell me what to do. That's right, I want total strangers giving me advice on my career path. Anyone??
Friday, October 22, 2010
Anyway, back to my finger. I hadn't noticed it before today, and now it's the only thing I can focus on. It feels weird developing a stereotypical symptom after 10 years of having RA. Anyone else have nodules? Do they hurt? Could this be some other, foreign lump?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
It is always a roller-coaster, this disease. The ups and downs are extreme and varying. Sometimes the ups last and last, and sometimes they are short. The same for the downs. Though it does seem like the good times fly by quicker than the bad :)
I've learned that my good times are very different than I would have categorized them in the past. My up time still includes painful, damaged joints. I still limp in my up times. I still need help with countless tasks. But comparing it to my down time less than a year ago, when I could barely walk around my house, when my husband had to literally carry me from our car to our house, and my up looks pretty damn bright.
The key is refusing to give up, and I believe, not knowing there is an option of giving up. I still remember a visit with my rheumy nearly ten years ago. At the time I was a full-time university student who also volunteered. The clinic was a teaching one and he loved having me come in for an appointment when the students were in. What better way to break the stereotype of only "older" people having RA than by having your 22 year old patient with severe RA in for an appointment. As he sat there explaining to them the limits of my body, the damage already done, the various meds I was on and had already tried, he quoted, "I don't know how she does it. She could be at home, in bed all day." And my immediate thought was, "I could?" I had no idea that was an option. Really. I thought I had to keep living life, pushing through. And, I do.
The ups come, they really do. You just have to look at them differently then you used to. Change your perspective and you will see it. You may not be the same as you used to be, but accepting that allows you to see your growth and the new "ups" when they come.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
In a very non-rude, and friendly way I really, really love telling them that we do, in fact, have two signs out front (with an arrow and everything), as well as a sign on the side of the building. Yup, people, we have the signs covered. I get it when people don't notice the signs and come in confused. But what strikes me as hilarious is when they come in and tell us to put up signs when there are three of 'em. Total fail :)
And that is my pathetic little victory of the day. Does that make me rude? It's an internal victory.
Monday, October 18, 2010
So this week, I am making a promise to myself to eat as well as I can. I don't feel too guilty about it, as we don't eat out that much. But, I know I feel better when I eat better. So, no more take-out this week. It must stop now.
My friend and I were talking about it last night and she figures it must be a fall thing. It's getting colder with less sun-light. I'm pretty sure that is playing a big role in it. Anyone else finding it hard to eat well lately?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Here is a pic of him crossing the finish line. Note that the clock says "2:49:52". His time was 49:52, the 2 hours was the start of the full marathon.
I don't think I could be prouder :) Way to go, my love!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
So, I actually read this book quite a while ago and am only now getting around to writing about it. I'm guessing it's because I had such a struggle reading it. Honestly this book left me feeling bad about myself. I think it can be a wonderful resource to those newly diagnosed, or those that do not have severe RA. I found myself flinging this book onto the floor several times with my husband gently reminding me that I should not be reading something that makes me feel so bad.
The thing is this: the author stopped taking all meds prior to even trying to get pregnant, then remaining off of them while trying, and continuing to do so while pregnant. I do not have this luxury. I stopped taking meds for a weekend (and even then I was taking tylenol!) and was unable to move on monday. I can't imagine the past 10 months with no meds. The author was also able to take time from work to cope with the pain associated with taking nothing. A one-income household just does not cut it for us right now.
In a way, this book felt priveledged to me. I know that a lot of women cease taking medications while trying to get pregnant, but not all of us can. I also felt that there wasn't enough depth to the suggestions for coping. I wanted specifics of great ways of carrying your baby when dealing with RA in your arms, or easier clothes to put on your baby, that kind of thing. I wanted more meat.
I guess my issue is that I just couldn't relate to this book. Her experience is so vastly different than mine, and I wanted to read something that spoke to me. All in all, this book was not for me, but like I said, I think it could be beneficial to women who have low to moderate RA and are relatively newly diagnosed.
I hope this post wasn't too harsh. I don't want to come across as mean, just that it wasn't helpful to me. I have to continue taking meds while trying to conceive, and I don't need to feel anymore guilty about that then I already do. I completely respect Suzie Edward May and the choices that she made, and the fact that she was able to have children without also needing meds. I just wish that there were a book out there that related to my story, you know?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
I'm still pretty calm and collected about it, I know it will happen when it's supposed to happen. But, right now, I am annoyed. Yup, freakin' annoyed. C'mon body, you've treated me like crap for the past 10 years, can't ya just give a little??
Now, not to worry :) For the most part, my life is still sunshine and rainbows. I'm not even remotely bitter about it, and still get completely blissed out about others pregnancies (Nadine, I am looking at you! I wanna touch your growing belly!). I love my hubby more than ever, I've got an amazing group of friends, and there have been some cool happenings in my little town. I think about my goals and dreams for me, not just for me as a future mom.
I guess I just needed to put it down on screen. I feel better :)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thanks for everyone's good thoughts and kind words. They are invaluable to me. The reason I started this blog was to get and give support, and I am getting it in droves. Whether that is by you stopping in to comment on one of my posts, or by me reading all of yours. Thank each and every one of you RA-battling heroes! You totally rock!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Oh crud, I just took a proactive break from ranting to book an appointment with my doctor for some cortisone shots in said nasty joints and he is away for the next few weeks. And, getting cortisone shots makes me really paranoid. I've had doctors struggle giving them to me, banging into the bone, so I don't want to just go to anyone. Poop.
On a positive note (and despite how it may seem, I do try to remain positive) I just got back from my best friend's wedding and it was beautiful! I was in massive flare mode, but I had a great time visiting long time friends, decorating, getting mani/pedis (for the first time ever!) and eating a lot of food. I'll write more on this later, I promise!!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
So, my plea is this: does anyone have any suggestions for me for a non-religious, slightly quirky speech on my best friend's wedding day? I've been working on it, but I need more cohesion.
I appreciate any and all suggestions :)
Monday, August 16, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Her calf muscles were killer.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I promise I will do a proper post about vacay (complete with pictures!!) really, really soon. Soon.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
I wish planning a summer road trip didn't also mean having to plan around refrigerated meds!
To end on a positive note, I am beyond pumped about this holiday! Initially we were planning a trip for the end of august, but due to work commitments, we are now leaving in a couple of days. The sooner the better, I say. This holiday couldn't have come at a better time: work is beyond hectic, we've had to deal with no running water, then no hot water at home. And, to top it all off, our car died (which would have really sent our vacation into a tail-spin as that was our way of gettin' outta here). But, the car is fixed, and due to my beloved, we have glorious, running, hot water :) Yay for showers!
So, on friday, we are headed out to Gaspesie, a peninsula in Quebec. For a fish-lover such as myself, this is going to be a heaven. AND, folks, I will be fulfilling a goal that I had made for myself a couple of years back!!! I had read this book and totally loved it. It was funny and made me absolutely determined to someday hike the Appalachian Trail. Well, the International Appalachian Trail starts in Gaspesie!!!! I'm actually going to get to hike on it! I can't wait!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Go away, you stupid needle! No, wait, come back. As much as I want to never see you again, you are helping me (in your own sick, twisted way). At this point I wouldn't be walking without you. I guess you are doomed to be a part of my life for the time-being. Sigh.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Well, we realized that there is wayyyy more of a need than a couple of pads and little bottles, so "Women Helping Women" was born. We did some advertising, told everyone that we worked with, and were completely overwhelmed by the community's generosity. Offices put out donation boxes and held comptetions to see who can get the most stuff collected. I'm pretty sure every church in our area had a box for us next to their food donation box. There were massive boxes coming in, garbage bags full. We got donations of money to buy what we needed. A baby shower was held with the intention of all gifts being a donation. It was nuts. And, this program is popular. I have no idea how many women have used it since March. Some only once, some come in each month. All are generally surprised that they can come here and get free stuff. It's currently the absolute favourite part of my job.
So, our stock has been getting pretty low and I put out another call for donations. And, this afternoon in walks a woman I went to school with, carrying a bag full of stuff (everything from deodarant, toothpaste, pads, tampons, baby soap, bodywash). We had a great chat about what we were up to, how great the program was, yada, yada, yada. I mentioned how difficult it is for women to have to buy these things when on social assistance and she proceeded to tell me she knew all about that as she is on social assistance. I was all, "you're on social assistance and you're donating to US????" She does have supportive parents, but mostly she has a keen eye for deals, buys in bulk when she can and is a master budgeter. Even with a really (and I mean really) limited income, she wanted to be able to donate to this project.
I am humbled and, oh, so happy today. I really just wanted to write this post to continue to thank her and thank her and thank her.
Edited to add: I wrote this post with the intention of later posting it. About two hours after she dropped off the first bag she came back with another from her mom.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Much love and many thanks,
P.S. I think you are really pretty when you showcase ALL the different types of weather you possess. Not just the cold and rainy days.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
This is a wonderful philosophy from one of my favourite characters, one that I'm trying to tell myself all the time. In a good way of course! Things are great, but I need to just keep swimming. Especially as I prepare for yet another work trip, work on increasing my patience, and try to deal with stupid blogger being a curmudgeon about posting pictures right now. Anyhoo, I'm off to follow the wisdom of Dorrie.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Then there are the day flares. I wake up fine, then an ache starts to set in, or worse yet, it comes on sudden. A screeching immediate pain in one joint, that then may spread throughout my body. I get immobilized, overwhelmed and tired. This flare may last for days, but if I can find a fairly comfy position (usually on my back, arms straight at my sides), I can sleep okay.
I've yet to find many triggers for my RA, other than stress or lack of sleep. I can't find a food that can start a flare, or many environmental factors. I do know for my health in general, I need to eat balanced, with lots of fruit and veggies, and get some gentle exercise.
I wonder what brings on a day flare, and what brings on a night flare?
Monday, May 17, 2010
I may not be very active this week due to this, but I hope to keep up with everyone's posts/news. I also really hope that this doesn't send me into a flare like the last trip (which I am now just recovering from). Oh well. At least I'll be somewhere new, eating good food and doing a bit of shopping. The biggest light at the end of this tunnel is that this coming weekend is a long one and my sweetie and I are hiking up to the cabin. No phones, no t.v., no electricity. Just us and our doggie :) It'll be good recuperation time.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
This was our backyard, this morning. I wish I had taken a picture last night, when all the trees were still covered. I think we had near 30 cm of snow yesterday, May 12th. That's pretty bad even for us Labrador folks. I don't mind winter, but you can't do anything in this snow. Here is a picture I took about a month ago:
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
So, the friday evening and saturday went pretty good, I went for a walk and everything. But sunday turned bad. And monday morning was a crazy beast who was repeatedly slapping and punching me everywhere on my body. I hadn't experienced such global pain since my diagnosis days. Needless to say, when I had my breakfast monday morning, it was accompanied by a diclofenac.
Now, I'm just annoyed. I know I need the diclofenac, or some kind of strong med. Is it terrible that I don't want to take prednisone, not just for the unhealthy side-effects, but the aesthetic ones too? Is that ridiculously shallow of me? I've never taken pred, but it is one of the safer drugs to take in pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure it would give me relief. Thoughts??
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
One of the things we did was work on the raised gardens, building a mini-greenhouse for the tomatoes and such. Okay, okay, I didn't really work on this (though I did hold some wood while Dom cut it!), mostly I just picked up all of Fran's garbage, chewed up toys, etc. (she's a messy dog!). Here she is in all her cuteness:
Thursday, April 15, 2010
So, I've since calmed down a little, and begun the thought process of some things y'all might not know about me....
1. My nickname growing up was (and still is for some folks) Pony. If you called me that, I would totally answer you.
2. I'm part Inuit, part nearly everything else possible.
3. I've had literally hundreds of dreams of whales and sharks. Seriously. The shark dreams are always scary, and the whale ones are sorta scary, in the sense that they are so big and powerful. Oh yes, and I am nearly always in the water with them. If not, I somehow end up in the water with them (falling, breaking docks, etc.). Anyone know what this means?
4. I was in a comedy/farce/sillyness video for my friend's band, Ticklish Brother. It's basically making fun of how ridiculous obsession is. I'm gonna be brave and give you the YouTube link: Close To You. My pup, Fran, makes an appearance as well!
5. I was going to go to school to be a midwife. I love everything about pregnancy and birth. I'd still like to do this, but don't know about doing a job like that (physically taxing, crazy hours) with RA.
6. In relation to number 5, I've been at four different births :) Beautiful.
7. I lived in Ireland for 6 months doing a youth work program. Whew, a lot of beer was consumed on that adventure! Ireland is simply gorgeous, and the people incredibly welcoming. It's a bit touristy in spots (Dublin, I'm looking at you), but there are some places where you get to experience it, on the west coast especially. Go there!
8. Onions drive me bananas most of the time, unless they are cooked really, really well. However, one of the best things I've eaten (and helped make) is our onion soup. Go figure. Must be all the butter that's in it.
9. I met my sweetie at the Women's Centre where I work. I think of this as very cute and ironic :) We don's see many men around these parts.
10. I've been out of the country four times, and have been in less than half of my own country!! I'm planning on changing that within the next year or so with a cross-country trip :)
So, onto the real fun part: nominating some other amazing women out there. Reading their blogs is definitely a highlight of my day. Most have RA, but all inspire me. In no particular order, begin the fabulousity:
1. Judy over at RA is Wild. She also blogs about living a raw lifestyle over at RawSierra, and hikes and backpacks with RA like it's nobody's business! This woman is die-hard, and a serious inspiration to me.
2. Jenn at Project Jennifer. She has recently had both hips replaced, and is still living and loving her life despite the aches and pains that come with it. She also gets to work with folks with RA, which is freaking awesome!
3. My buddy and pal, Nadine at Unloading and Meandering. I've known her since I was 13, and love her to death. She's a passionate gardener, an amazing writer, and has a memory of an elephant! Loves :) Bet your surprised that I actually did this, huh, Nadine?? I'm not exactly wonderful at doing this type of thing (memes, lists, passing things on, etc.).
4. Confessions of an Ra Superbitch. That woman is honest about life with RA, and it is beyond refreshing.
5. RA (maybe) Mamma cause she is sharing my journey of preparing for, and getting pregnant, with RA. It's a whirlwind journey for sure. We need all the support we can get!
So, there it is! I gotta admit, this has been pretty fun (and challenging). Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!
Monday, April 12, 2010
So, here's my new plan. I love walking. I love moving in the fresh air, watching the doggie run around in freedom, being one with nature. I'll go for a good walk one-day, then do my at-home work-out the next, and so on. I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure by planning some form of exercise every day? I hope that I'm kind enough to myself that if I am flaring, it's okay to just chill out at home for one day and not quit totally. I hope.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I know I have my moments of feeling sad for myself, and my situation. But, most of the time, I feel bad for those around me who love me, and can do little to nothing to stop what I am going through. They can love us, support us, listen to us, care for us, bring us what we need, but they can't stop the disease. That's what breaks my heart, seeing my loved ones hurt and helpless because of what my body is going through.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
It just blows my mind what is considered "good food" to feed our kids. And, the thing is, this is coming from way up above. This isn't the schools or the school cooks, it's the system that isn't valuing children's health. In my opinion, that's completely unacceptable. A french fry should not count as a vegetable. Don't get me wrong, I eat some not-so-amazing things sometimes, including french fries. But, that's sometimes. For the most part, I eat very well, very balanced. Anyway, I guess it's a goal of mine to have my future children know what vegetables at least look like :)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I got home yesterday, feeling the need to do some kind of physical activity (it had been a while). So, I broke out the running shoes and got on the elliptical (I had tried it once since I got it back, but only for a few minutes). I think I did about 15 minutes, broken with 30 second/one minute breaks to stretch and relax my ankle. I knew after 15 minutes that my time on it was done, but I wasn't done. So, then I hopped on my bike and did another 15 minutes. I was actually sweaty and had an increased heart rate! This is major for me. Both physically and mentally. I know that the one workout session didn't make a huge change in my body, but I do feel stronger just having accomplished that.
Oh, and my jealousy of my dog is going away as I am taking the afternoon off with my mom and doing some ice-fishing of my own! AND, it is a totally beautiful day outside :) Bliss.
Monday, March 29, 2010
So, after only having a one-day weekend (working on sunday) I'm back at work for a thankfully short week. Having just the one day off has drained me beyond belief! I cannot wait for that glorious four-day weekend to sleep and just plain relax. And, maybe eat. I like to do that sometimes, too. And walk my dog, poor girl has only played frisbee in the backyard lately. Though she did get to go ice-fishing yesterday. Without me. While I had to work on a sunday. Is it ridiculous to be jealous of my dog?
Anyway, I'm noticing that my RA seems to flare a few days before my next shot of humira is due. It's like my body has run out too quick, or something. I wonder if this is just a coincidence, or if it is actually the case? I had always assumed the reason I took the meds every two weeks was because it stayed in my system that long. I suppose it is like any other med, sometimes they just don't cut it.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Anyone else have issues with seeing a rheumatologist?
Friday, March 19, 2010
Aha! This is where Heather comes in, of this blog: http://heathereatsalmondbutter.com/. I've been enjoying her site, when lo and behold! She decides to MAKE her own coconut butter!!! Here is the link to her adventure: http://heathereatsalmondbutter.com/2010/03/09/homemade-coconut-butter/. Thank you HEAB!
So, I went to the grocery store today, picked me up some unsweetend flakes and went to town. And, you have to go to town, and by that I mean blend the crap out of it. I threw that stuff into my magic bullet and blended my butt off. It was so worth it. Oh my heavens, was it ever. Folks, if you like coconut you have to try this stuff! Anyone out there try coconut butter?
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Why must vacation end??
Monday, March 8, 2010
I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of my blog, as well as catching up with all of you! I'm feeling a little withdrawal from my usual blog lovin'. So, look out everyone! I will be doing some major reading and commenting on all of your blogs! Can't wait to see what's going on with everyone!
On another note, it's International Women's Day!! Remember, "Feminism is the radical notion that women are people" * . Imagine that.
*Charlis Kramarae and Paula Treichler
Monday, March 1, 2010
1. I get to see some really wonderful folks (one of which I have been friends with for about 18 years!) who happen to have a really wonderful baby. Who likes to wipe her grubby hands on me :) She also likes to get up at about 5 in the morning, but I am not holding that against her :) She's way too cute for that.
2. Kill some major time while the Dom is away on his nearly month long school/olympic adventure. I'm so proud of him, and happy he got to check out a hockey game, but jeez! This is a loooonnnngggg trip.
3. Food. In the form of lovely vegetarian Pad Thai, homecooked chicken heaven, and soon to be sushi in ma tummy. And, I usually get an awesome breakfast made while I'm there, cause Dave is great like that.
4. Really awesome decaf, dark roast, fair-trade, organic coffee. It's the best decaf I've had. It's so good we're questioning just how "decaf" it is.
5. Wedding magazine browsing. Jen is getting married this summer, and it is indeed fun to laugh at those ridiculous dresses! I know I want to try one on at some point in my life, but I can't imagine actually wearing some of those creations. I guess I just like to be comfortable. Strange.
Anyway, I'm pumped about this trip. I'm leaving a bit earlier than my meetings, just to get some good visiting/eating/shopping for various food items unavailable in Labrador.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
And then on friday the weather was amazing, I had energy and little pain in my ankle. So, I decided to take the mutt for a walk. And I did, and it was glorious. Let me tell you folks, I even cried on this walk. Then, I did it again today. I feel awesome, not perfect, but pretty darn awesome.
Walking is my calm. It gets me where I need to go. It gets me outdoors, in the wilderness, close to the earth. Sometimes it stresses me out, when I see a big lynx up ahead, or in situations where my dog feels the need to run after a moose, or get herself caught in an animal trap (this has happened twice. A serious downer on walks in the woods. And, I don't mean a park, I mean the forest). Don't worry, Fran is a real trooper and loves a good bunny to run after.
I need it, I need to be able to walk, it keeps me balanced. I don't feel cruddy, I feel good. I'm walkin' again!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
I'd had ra for about 4/5 years when I was at a long overdue appointment with my rheumatologist and he told me that I would need a total elbow replacement. I had been back living in Labrador for over a year, working and living my life.
It was such a shock! And, I am not entirely sure why. I had spent years suffering in pain, long periods of time struggling to even touch my face, wash my hair, dress myself, sleep like a normal person. It's not that I had never considered surgery a part of my future, I just hadn't considered it so soon! I was only 25. So, a surgery was scheduled (really quickly, I might add. I guess they considered me some kind of emergency case? Most people wait up to two years or more, I waited about 5 months from referral to a surgeon to the consultation appointment to the actual surgery). I would have to go to another province, and my mom was coming with me to help me perform basic daily tasks.
The night before surgery, I started freaking out just a little, oddly enough not about the actual surgery, but of general anaesthesia! I had heard so many terrible stories of hallucinations, it wasn't the thought of pain that scared me, it was the thought of not having control over my mind. An amazing nurse let me cry, told me her survival story and calmed me down immensely. I wish I could remember her name (I'll have to ask my mom), but I am thankful for her. And the nurse that made me laugh about my toes. Laughter really is the best medicine.
So, the surgery went well, and the anaesthesia was actually like having the best sleep of my life. My recovery was pretty good (other than screwing up my meds and experiencing an unbelievably painful afternoon until the dosage was corrected). However, when I went in to have my bandage removed and my incision looked at, blood came flowing out. This is the point where I had to keep it together as my mother was the one about to panic. I'm telling her that it's fine, there's no pain or anything. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "what the hell?!?!?" So the nurse promptly bandaged me up, good and tight. Now this is where I believe everything went downhill.
My mom and I return to Labrador. En route I set off the alarm at an airport due to the replacement. This, I think, is both cool and disturbing. I have appointments for physio, getting my staples removed, and continued bandage changes. Life seems to be going good. Until I notice some weird stuff leaking out of my arm. A nurse has a look at it, tells me it looks, "a little green" and promptly sends me to emerg. Things progressively get worse from there. I am started on oral and IV antibiotics immediately due to an infected hematoma (remember where I was bleeding and they bandaged me up?), experience vein collapse, and have the most disgusting anything come out of a human body come out of my arm. Now, the number one concern with joint replacements is infection. If the infection gets into the new joint, they have to remove it and put in another one, which is much more difficult than a first replacement. You can see where I start to get worried, right?
But, I perservered. And, the infection didn't go into my joint, it continued draining out in ways that would remind anyone of a horror movie (lets just say the word "mucus" doesn't quite cut it). My infection cleared up and I resumed my physio. I had made it through this nearly month long ordeal. And, I had a shiny new elbow to show for it. No more pain or swelling in this joint, baby!
I can't believe that was nearly 6 years ago. I often don't think about it, but today, all of those fears, and triumphs, are right there. Remembering when I first got my appetite back (with a meal of salmon, naturally), the lovely couple who kept my mom company in the hostel, nurses whose names I cannot remember but who I won't ever forget, and my mom who took care of me. Thanks, mom :)
Hmmm, maybe another day I'll tell the story of my second surgery, in which I was awake, and the surgeon realized that he needed to saw off more bone. With an electric saw. While I was awake. Party time, people!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I had a bit of a flare a few days ago, mostly in my hands. Hands that would need to carry and care for a baby. And I can't help but wonder what I will do on the days like that when we do have a baby? There is going to be times when I am all alone with her, and she will need me to pick her up, dress her, feed her.
Sometimes this is really overwhelming. Exciting and eager and happy, but overwhelming. I know that those days are fewer than the good ones, but what do I do on those bad days?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
However, I can get behind love. So, I just want to send out some lovin' to my sweetie, who is in mid-air right now, getting ever farther from me. We'll just celebrate our love like we normally do: all of the time, regardless of where we are. Loves :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Oh god, I just looked at the weather forecast. I'm doomed. 54 to 78 cm between friday and wednesday. Great.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Now I am off to get my legs checked out for paralysis or nerve damage, due to not feeling hot coffee running down my leg. Sheesh.
Friday, February 5, 2010
I love eating and I love looking at pictures of food. How am I not 400 pounds? Do I have an eating disorder? Or perhaps I am just appreciative?
Anyway, this is what I've been doing with most of my computer time lately. It's kind of ridiculous, cause I don't even like to cook! Fortunately I live with a good cook and get some of my own "live" food porn at home :) Looking at all those lovely pictures with the different types of veggies and what-not really makes me wish sometimes I lived elsewhere and had access to different types of food. Ah well, such is life.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Hey, remember that movie with Katherine Heigl? The funny one in which she got knocked-up? What was it called? Oh yeah, "Knocked Up". Well, let's just say that the title does not apply to me.
That's right, I'm not pregnant :( Boo!
I'm surprisingly alright (having some disappointed moments, but still), mostly due to thinking like this:
1. The pill hasn't totally screwed me up, cycle wise. I was scared that I would be one of those women who didn't get her period for like, six months or something after stopping the pill. Not the case. Score for regularity!
2. I thought trying for a baby would be out in February, what with future daddy being away for a month and all. BUT, with a slightly shorter cycle than expected, we may not miss out. Pending super-strong swimmers, of course.
3. Humira is actually working. I cannot remember the last time I wore my ankle brace. Life is not perfect, but I hobble way less these days. Not being pregnant gives me a chance to keep taking humira for a while longer, get even better, and have a healthier pregnancy. Sweet.
4. An additional month to get mtx out of my system. Just in case there are some lingering bits clinging on to my liver, or kidneys, or fat cells. Maybe I can work on those fat cells a little, while I am at it.
5. Not being huge as a house for one of bestest's weddings in Newfoundland :) At which I am standing. If I got pregnant right away now, I'd be 6 1/2 months at the wedding, which sounds a bit more reasonable for travelling and fitting into a dress.
Ummmm, that's about it. That is all the positivity I can muster right now. Which is pretty damn good, if you ask me.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
1. I did a suicide intervention training, then 4 days later had a conversation with someone was thinking of suicide! Let me tell you, it went nothing like the class and the 90's demonstrative videos in it. Nothing. No worries, the person is perfectly safe and is doing fine. But, my gawd, the irony.
2. Went to a friend's second wedding! Actually, it was more like a second reception for all the folks stuck in Labrador who couldn't make it to the actual event. We got to do lots of socializing, eat good food, watch a wicked slide show and I even got to feel a baby rolling around! Thanks Jen!
3. I'm learning that I am really quite boring. Lame.
4. Oh! But my French class is progressing! For example: Nous somme le 27 janvier. That's right, it's the 27th of January!
That is all for now, please refer to number 3 for reasons why.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
This is something I have not done in a long, long time. In fact, I have not done it from my new workplace, that we moved to in November. What would take just over ten minutes, took me at least 20. But, I'll take it. AND, it was more awkward than it was painful (though, I must say I was happy to get home!). Could it be that the humira has kicked it? Methinks :) I felt a real sense of independence again today. I've been so used to my legs getting me where I need to go, the loss had been hard. But, they got me where I needed to go today.
A beautiful day, indeed :)
Monday, January 11, 2010
In better news (and to distract myself), my RA has taken an upswing again today. I must say, I feel alright :) I did have a pretty big flare last week, which I am blaming on the bipolar weather we have been experiencing in Labrador. It really seems as though stopping the mtx has not had too big of an effect on my system, and also that maybe the humira is starting to kick in. I still don't know if I am up for a snowshoe....but I have hope :)
Oh! And, I am starting a conversational beginners French class tonight! I'm finally doing something it!
Okay, I'm glad that I just reminded myself that there is plenty going on in my life, other than trying to have a kid :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
8. We decided to have a baby :) AND, being told by an ob/gyn that I am healthy enough to have a baby, despite my RA. That was my all-time fear. That appointment was pretty magical for me :)