Merry Christmas!

Wishing a wonderful Christmas to all my bloggy friends!  And, to my RA friends, may this Christmas find you un-swollen, pain-free, well-rested and mobile enough to dance around any tree!  Thank you for all the support this past year.  I hope Santa is good to everyone :)

The Weather Lady Edition

I'd like to think that my blog has not resorted to a weather blog.  I mean, I love the weather, but I don't really want to write about it.  But, sadly, this is not the case.  I am going to write about it.  It's consuming me at the moment!  I have other, more interesting things I could write about.  Like how yesterday was my sweetie's birthday and our dog ate about a quarter of the cake I made for him.  Or how we've started fertility testing.  Or just how much sugar I have been consuming.  But, no folks, I'm going to continue to rant about the weather.

I hate it.  Plain and simple.  Apparently, the other day, it was 7*C here and 4*C in Miami.  Just to give you a better idea of where we are in relation to Miami, have a gander at this:

You can see where Happy Valley - Goose Bay is on the upper right part of North America and where Miami is on the lower right, and just how far away they are from each other.

Yeahhhh.

Having no snow blows.

All I Want For Christmas....

...(aside from a baby, that is) is some freakin' snow.  Even just a light dusting.  I live in northeastern Canada and it was sunny and 10*C yesterday.  Seriously.  December 6th and it was significantly above zero.  Last year we were out on ski-doo getting our christmas tree around this time.  Looks like this year we'll have to borrow my mom's truck to get one.  I'm somewhat getting into the mood of the season, but still get confused seeing all the houses lit up with no snow.  At first glance I think, "why are they decorated so early??"  And then I have to remind myself that it's not early.  Christmas is just around the bend.

I don't want a green christmas, not in Labrador!  If you see someone moving funny and flailing her arms, dont' worry, that's just me doing a snow dance.  Please send all your good snow vibes my way!

What IF: A Portrait of Infertility

This has helped me beyond words today....

Munsch on this!

Well, well, well!  For any Canadian, or any children's book lover for the matter, the name Robert Munsch might ring a bell.  He's the beloved author of such books as: Love You Forever, 50 Below Zero, and my personal favourite The Paperbag Princess.  He is a prolific writer, and I have been loving him since I was a child.

Well, just a couple of months ago I found out about a story competition.  A competition hosted by Scholastic in which three unpublished stories based in communities in Canada vie for the most votes.  The winning story will be Robert Munsch's latest publication AND Mr. Munsch himself will go to the community to launch the book.

So, one of the competing towns just happened to be my hometown of Rigolet, Labrador.  I voted my little heart out, I told everybody about it (except here, which is totally ridiculous), and blasted it on my facebook at random times.  The winner was announced on November 1st.  Can you guess what community won?  Really, can you???  That's right, little ol' Rigolet took it!!  My beautiful hometown of about 350 people will have a children's book published with a story set there.  I'm so proud!

Anyway, I really just wanted to boast about my little town, we were competing against some much bigger communities, but really went all out to vote and win this thing.  To further give evidence of how small my town is, and just how cool this win is, here is a not-so-great, but completely community encompassing pic.  Yup, it is that small:

I don't need no education...or do I??

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!  I just don't know what to do.  I had an epiphany a while back about what I want to be when I grow up: a natural nutritionist.  It was such an aha! moment.  I'm passionate about food and its relation to health, and will talk to anybody about it, so this is a pretty natural step. 

I even found a school that does it through distance.  But, I'm pretty sure that even at 31 years old, I'm not fully grown-up yet.  Should I just start school now, and then use it how I will, or should I just wait a few years, as was my original plan??  Or, should I just go ahead and do a starter course that can be done on its own, either for personal knowledge or as a lead-in to the full program?  I just can't seem to get around to doing anything.  Which leads me to believe that I am not ready.  Or, maybe just lazy.

Basically, I just want someone to tell me what to do.  That's right, I want total strangers giving me advice on my career path.  Anyone??

What The Heck???

So, as I was talking on the phone and resting my fingers on my desk (bending them slightly backward) when I noticed a big lump on the main joint of my pointing finger.  I poked it and it hurt, I looked at the other hand, and it was lump-free.  People, I think I have my first RA nodule.  Well, not including this weird lump in my left elbow that may, or may not be, a nodule.  Who knows what's going on in there, I do know there isn't much joint left, but there must be some crap floating around.

Anyway, back to my finger.  I hadn't noticed it before today, and now it's the only thing I can focus on.  It feels weird developing a stereotypical symptom after 10 years of having RA.  Anyone else have nodules?  Do they hurt?  Could this be some other, foreign lump?

Even Better Victories

No matter what, no matter how crappy I feel, I will not let RA get me down.  Well, for any length of time, anyway.  Though I don't want to be bogged down in negativity and anger, I do feel it is good sometimes to allow yourself to experience emotions, to own and live in sadness/anger/frustration/helplessness for a little while.

It is always a roller-coaster, this disease.  The ups and downs are extreme and varying.  Sometimes the ups last and last, and sometimes they are short.  The same for the downs.  Though it does seem like the good times fly by quicker than the bad :)

I've learned that my good times are very different than I would have categorized them in the past.  My up time still includes painful, damaged joints.  I still limp in my up times.  I still need help with countless tasks.  But comparing it to my down time less than a year ago, when I could barely walk around my house, when my husband had to literally carry me from our car to our house, and my up looks pretty damn bright.

The key is refusing to give up, and I believe, not knowing there is an option of giving up.  I still remember a visit with my rheumy nearly ten years ago.  At the time I was a full-time university student who also volunteered.  The clinic was a teaching one and he loved having me come in for an appointment when the students were in.  What better way to break the stereotype of only "older" people having RA than by having your 22 year old patient with severe RA in for an appointment.  As he sat there explaining to them the limits of my body, the damage already done, the various meds I was on and had already tried, he quoted, "I don't know how she does it.  She could be at home, in bed all day."  And my immediate thought was, "I could?"  I had no idea that was an option.  Really.  I thought I had to keep living life, pushing through.  And, I do.

The ups come, they really do.  You just have to look at them differently then you used to.  Change your perspective and you will see it.  You may not be the same as you used to be, but accepting that allows you to see your growth and the new "ups" when they come.

Little Victories

I work at a Women's Centre that also has a thrift store at the back of the building (with it's own entrance on the side).  We frequently get people coming into the front offices looking for the thrift store.  And sometimes, just sometimes, people complain or feel the need to instruct us to put up a sign so they know where to go (when I politely inform them the store is around the back).

In a very non-rude, and friendly way I really, really love telling them that we do, in fact, have two signs out front (with an arrow and everything), as well as a sign on the side of the building.  Yup, people, we have the signs covered.  I get it when people don't notice the signs and come in confused.  But what strikes me as hilarious is when they come in and tell us to put up signs when there are three of 'em.  Total fail :)

And that is my pathetic little victory of the day.  Does that make me rude?  It's an internal victory.

Promise

Holy crow, I don't think I could have eaten any more crap than I did this weekend.  I won't go into the details (because it's embarrassing), but for someone who regularly preaches about eating healthily, this was absolutely ridiculous.  Especially as our refrigerator was full of fresh vegetables and hours-old, local,  free-range eggs.  No excuse except laziness and cravings (not of the pregnant variety, I might add).

So this week, I am making a promise to myself to eat as well as I can.  I don't feel too guilty about it, as we don't eat out that much.  But, I know I feel better when I eat better.  So, no more take-out this week.  It must stop now.

My friend and I were talking about it last night and she figures it must be a fall thing.  It's getting colder with less sun-light.  I'm pretty sure that is playing a big role in it.  Anyone else finding it hard to eat well lately? 

Short Post of Pride

Just cause I keep bragging to everyone I know, I figure I should brag here, too :)  This weekend my sweetie ran in a 10k as a part of our local marathon, the Trapline Marathon.  He beat his goal time and came in 12th out of 138 runners!  I was pumped to meet him at the finish line, as well as witness all of the other runner's achievements.

Here is a pic of him crossing the finish line.  Note that the clock says "2:49:52".  His time was 49:52, the 2 hours was the start of the full marathon.

I don't think I could be prouder :)  Way to go, my love! 

Book Review: Arthritis, Pregnancy And The Path To Parenthood

Let me just start out this post with a little note that I bought this book am discussing it purely of my own choice, and these opinions are entirely personal.

So, I actually read this book quite a while ago and am only now getting around to writing about it.  I'm guessing it's because I had such a struggle reading it.  Honestly this book left me feeling bad about myself.  I think it can be a wonderful resource to those newly diagnosed, or those that do not have severe RA.  I found myself flinging this book onto the floor several times with my husband gently reminding me that I should not be reading something that makes me feel so bad.

The thing is this: the author stopped taking all meds prior to even trying to get pregnant, then remaining off of them while trying, and continuing to do so while pregnant.  I do not have this luxury.  I stopped taking meds for a weekend (and even then I was taking tylenol!) and was unable to move on monday.  I can't imagine the past 10 months with no meds.  The author was also able to take time from work to cope with the pain associated with taking nothing.  A one-income household just does not cut it for us right now. 

In a way, this book felt priveledged to me.  I know that a lot of women cease taking medications while trying to get pregnant, but not all of us can.  I also felt that there wasn't enough depth to the suggestions for coping.  I wanted specifics of great ways of carrying your baby when dealing with RA in your arms, or easier clothes to put on your baby, that kind of thing.  I wanted more meat.

I guess my issue is that I just couldn't relate to this book.  Her experience is so vastly different than mine, and I wanted to read something that spoke to me.   All in all, this book was not for me, but like I said, I think it could be beneficial to women who have low to moderate RA and are relatively newly diagnosed.

I hope this post wasn't too harsh.  I don't want to come across as mean, just that it wasn't helpful to me.  I have to continue taking meds while trying to conceive, and I don't need to feel anymore guilty about that then I already do.  I completely respect Suzie Edward May and the choices that she made, and the fact that she was able to have children without also needing meds.  I just wish that there were a book out there that related to my story, you know?

The Waiting Game

Ever get tired and tired of waiting for something that just doesn't appear as though it will happen?  Well, of course everyone feels like that sometimes, and trust me, I am feeling like that right now.  You see, my sweetie and I have been trying to have a baby for over 10 months now.  I know it's not a ridiculous amount of time, but it is kinda long.  The first few months were brutal and heart-wrenching (I don't have much patience), but then I settled into it.  I decided to live and love and appreciate my life as it is right now, minus a baby.  This whole summer was great, interspersed with some sadness and tears and anger whenever my period started.  But, that sadness never lasted long.  And, for the record, trying to make a baby is fun :)

I'm still pretty calm and collected about it, I know it will happen when it's supposed to happen.  But, right now,  I am annoyed.  Yup, freakin' annoyed.  C'mon body, you've treated me like crap for the past 10 years, can't ya just give a little??

Now, not to worry :)  For the most part, my life is still sunshine and rainbows.  I'm not even remotely bitter about it, and still get completely blissed out about others pregnancies (Nadine, I am looking at you!  I wanna touch your growing belly!).  I love my hubby more than ever, I've got an amazing group of friends, and there have been some cool happenings in my little town.  I think about my goals and dreams for me, not just for me as a future mom. 

I guess I just needed to put it down on screen.  I feel better :)

Sock grips?

So, the intense flare is over, but I'm having lingering pain in my left shoulder and left knee.  And the hip is still stiff, but not as bad as before.  Just preventing me from easily putting on my right sock in the morning.  Am I really going to have to ask my husband to put on my sock for me?  I'm not saying this is a bad thing (cause we all know we need help from time to time.  Or everyday.), it's just that it's one more thing I need help with.  I'm also sleeping much better (as in a couple of hours in a row, yay!) and waking up less stiff.  All in all, not too shabby :)  I'm hoping that the slightly less busy, less frequent travelling in my future will help out with this.

Thanks for everyone's good thoughts and kind words.  They are invaluable to me.  The reason I started this blog was to get and give support, and I am getting it in droves.  Whether that is by you stopping in to comment on one of my posts, or by me reading all of yours.  Thank each and every one of you RA-battling heroes!  You totally rock!

Gimme a break

Really, RA?  You're really moving into my hips???  The one part of me that I would brag about to folks, "but at least I have good strong hips!"???  I mean, I know I had that one night flare ten years ago in my right hip, but nothing since then.  Why are you all up in my grill (whatever that means)????  And, now that we're talking, why have you moved into my left shoulder?  You've dominated my right shoulder for over a year now, rendering it incapable of being raised above my head.  Now you want to do that to my other one?  What, you want to ensure that I have dirty hair cause I can't reach up and completely wash my hair?  So now I can barely reach my head AND my feet.  Thanks a lot, jerk.

Oh crud, I just took a proactive break from ranting to book an appointment with my doctor for some cortisone shots in said nasty joints and he is away for the next few weeks.  And, getting cortisone shots makes me really paranoid.  I've had doctors struggle giving them to me, banging into the bone, so I don't want to just go to anyone.  Poop.

On a positive note (and despite how it may seem, I do try to remain positive) I just got back from my best friend's wedding and it was beautiful!  I was in massive flare mode, but I had a great time visiting long time friends, decorating, getting mani/pedis (for the first time ever!) and eating a lot of food.  I'll write more on this later, I promise!! 

Help a Maid of Honour Out!

Hey folks!  Well, in less than two weeks my bestie is getting married :)  And, as the title of this post suggests, I am the maid of honour.  And, one of the duties that comes along with that is giving a speech.  Now, I could go on and on about how much I love my friend and how happy I am for her, but I'd like it to be coherent and a little bit relevant to the day.

So, my plea is this: does anyone have any suggestions for me for a non-religious, slightly quirky speech on my best friend's wedding day?  I've been working on it, but I need more cohesion.

I appreciate any and all suggestions :) 

Thanks!

One Lovely Blog Award

The lovely Laurie has once again gifted me with an award!  The "One Lovely Blog Award", in fact :)  Laurie mentions that it's because I'm funny, Canadian and I like pie, which I think are awesome reasons to win an award!  Especially the pie part.

So, now I send this award on to some more lovely bloggers (some of whom may have already received this, I think it's been making the rounds):

Mike over at My Life and New Fight with Ra.  Mike has already gotten this award, but I wanted to give him another, cause he's pretty awesome, full of positivity and compliments, and he's a freakin' firefighter with RA!  Major props for that, dude.  I mean, c'mon.

Confessions of an RA Superbitch.  I'm pretty sure her blog title is reason enough to win numerous awards the world over.  But the real reason is that she tells it like it friggen is.

Squirrel over at Feelin' Swell: My Life with RA.  I'm lovin' her blog, she's got great insight into young life with RA.  Plus she went to a camp for young folks with RA, and I'm a wee bit jealous.  Okay, fine, a whole lot jealous.  Plus, she went to Spain recently.  And, she lives in Scotland.  Awesomeness abounds!

Judy over at Ra is Wild.  I can't get over how active and fit this woman is!  She goes on hiking/backpacking trips that I only dream about.  Though, we may plan a little RA gal hiking trip on the Appalachian Trail, huh, Judy?  I wish :)

Just passin' on the RA blog love :)

Totally Shallow

This is awful of me, but as I was out walking tonight (at a decent pace, I must add) an elderly lady with a hunchback passed me.  As in, walking faster than I was.  Admittedly, I was on the end of my walk, my ankle was a-killin' me, and this lady was motoring, but still.  Is it terrible of me to be a wee bit upset about this??  That an elderly lady with a hunchback passed me????  I'm only 31 for pete's sake!

Her calf muscles were killer.

She's Alive!!

I'm totally back from vacation (like, a week ago), but can't seem to get off my bottom and write a post about it (complete with pictures!).  We had a blast, and as my ankle us way better than last year, I got to do way more activities (including hiking the International Appalachian Trail!!!).  I just felt like doing this lame post 'cause I haven't posted in about a month. 

I promise I will do a proper post about vacay (complete with pictures!!)  really, really soon.  Soon.

Dilemma and Goal-Achievement!

So, we are leaving for a much needed vacation on friday and my dilemma is this:  I'm due to take my humira shot next thursday (in the middle of vacay) and we are going to be driving/camping.  Should I take the needle with us in a cooler and risk the temperature getting all wonky and possibly ruined, or should I just leave it and take it when I get home?  If I left it home, I would be taking it a week and a half late.  I'm pretty inclined to leave it at home, but am a bit worried that that extra week and a half would put a painful damper on our vacation.

I wish planning a summer road trip didn't also mean having to plan around refrigerated meds!

To end on a positive note, I am beyond pumped about this holiday!  Initially we were planning a trip for the end of august, but due to work commitments, we are now leaving in a couple of days.  The sooner the better, I say.  This holiday couldn't have come at a better time: work is beyond hectic, we've had to deal with no running water, then no hot water at home.  And, to top it all off, our car died (which would have really sent our vacation into a tail-spin as that was our way of gettin' outta here).  But, the car is fixed, and due to my beloved, we have glorious, running, hot water :)  Yay for showers!

So, on friday, we are headed out to Gaspesie, a peninsula in Quebec.  For a fish-lover such as myself, this is going to be a heaven.  AND, folks, I will be fulfilling a goal that I had made for myself a couple of years back!!!  I had read this book and totally loved it.  It was funny and made me absolutely determined to someday hike the Appalachian Trail.  Well, the International Appalachian Trail starts in Gaspesie!!!!  I'm actually going to get to hike on it!  I can't wait!

Love/Hate Relationship

No matter how long you have been injecting yourself, how many needles have pierced your skin, it always sucks to have to do a shot.  There it sits on my table, taunting me, warming up to room temperature to hopefully not sting too much.  I don't even want to really know what's in it, cause I'm pretty sure that would freak me out.  It's not even the needle sharpness that hurts, it's the med itself.  Grrr.

Go away, you stupid needle!  No, wait, come back.  As much as I want to never see you again, you are helping me (in your own sick, twisted way).  At this point I wouldn't be walking without you.  I guess you are doomed to be a part of my life for the time-being.  Sigh.

In a sea of negativity, in she walks...

People continually amaze me with their generosity.  They really, really do.  I work at a Women's Centre.  This is not a women's shelter, we are more of a resource/referral/advocacy agency for any woman in our region.  A few months back I, along with a couple of women I sat on a committee with, started a community drive gathering donations of toiletries for women to access for free.  We have always known there was an issue with this stuff, we keep pads on site from which women could take a couple, as well as being the drop-off for folks gathering those little bottles from hotels.  It can get freakin' expensive you know?  Especially if you are on a fixed income (social assistance up here in Canada), as most of the women we work with are.

Well, we realized that there is wayyyy more of a need than a couple of pads and little bottles, so "Women Helping Women" was born.  We did some advertising, told everyone that we worked with, and were completely overwhelmed by the community's generosity.  Offices put out donation boxes and held comptetions to see who can get the most stuff collected.  I'm pretty sure every church in our area had a box for us next to their food donation box.  There were massive boxes coming in, garbage bags full.  We got donations of money to buy what we needed.  A baby shower was held with the intention of all gifts being a donation.  It was nuts.  And, this program is popular.  I have no idea how many women have used it since March.  Some only once, some come in each month.  All are generally surprised that they can come here and get free stuff.  It's currently the absolute favourite part of my job.

So, our stock has been getting pretty low and I put out another call for donations.  And, this afternoon in walks a woman I went to school with, carrying a bag full of stuff (everything from deodarant, toothpaste, pads, tampons, baby soap, bodywash).  We had a great chat about what we were up to, how great the program was, yada, yada, yada.  I mentioned how difficult it is for women to have to buy these things when on social assistance and she proceeded to tell me she knew all about that as she is on social assistance.  I was all, "you're on social assistance and you're donating to US????"  She does have supportive parents, but mostly she has a keen eye for deals, buys in bulk when she can and is a master budgeter.  Even with a really (and I mean really) limited income, she wanted to be able to donate to this project.

I am humbled and, oh, so happy today.  I really just wanted to write this post to continue to thank her and thank her and thank her.

Edited to add:  I wrote this post with the intention of later posting it.  About two hours after she dropped off the first bag she came back with another from her mom.

Dear Mother Nature

Please send some warm and sunny weather our way.  Not to be a Negative Nelly but I'm kinda cold, slightly depressed due to lack of sunshine, and a little tired of having to wear full-length pants and sweaters all the time when it is nearly July.  I understand that rain is really important for warding off forest fires, especially in this fire-laden area of the world.  However, I feel that we can come to a mutual agreement that a couple of nice days in a row may not be too dangerous?  Even if you are worried about fires, perhaps you could warm it up just a little?  All of this rain would be a bit more bearable if it weren't so frigid.  I promise to be better at enjoying your wondrous beauty, weeding my garden, and as an extra bonus I will actually get to use my clothesline.

Much love and many thanks,
Steph

P.S.  I think you are really pretty when you showcase ALL the different types of weather you possess.  Not just the cold and rainy days.

Garden pictures from two weeks ago

Just because I've been a bit of a slacker lately, I thought I'd put up some pics of our finally-planted garden :)

First up, our beans and peas:

And, naturally, Fran being cute with scary eyes next to our new fire pit:

And, because blogger is being a big wiener-head with my pics, here is the picture I had posted FIRST, but has decided to jump down to the bottom, and I cannot for-the-life-of-me manage to get it back up top.  Our potatoes, beets and carrots:

And my sweet little daffodils that I thought were crocuses when I planted them:

I forgot to take the pictures of the little mini-greenhouse that contains our spinach, swiss chard and kale, and I ain't gonna try after this hulla-balloo.  I have no idea why this post was so hard to do.  Blogger, why do you hate me so??? 

On another note, the gardening that I did do, which admittedly is a lot less than the work that Dom did, made me sore for a good week.  Not joint sore, but leg muscle sore.  I have this habit, as my knees don't like to squat for any length of time, of bending straight over at the waist when I garden.  So, basically I was stretching on and off for a couple of hours.  Stretching is great.  Extensive stretching when your are not particularly stretchy is not so great.  I think I need to invest in a little stool if I want to spend any time in our garden this summer.

Current Philosophy

This is a wonderful philosophy from one of my favourite characters, one that I'm trying to tell myself all the time. In a good way of course! Things are great, but I need to just keep swimming. Especially as I prepare for yet another work trip, work on increasing my patience, and try to deal with stupid blogger being a curmudgeon about posting pictures right now. Anyhoo, I'm off to follow the wisdom of Dorrie.

Night and Day

I'm realizing this morning, as I type slowly with my stupid wrist, that I have different types of flares dependant on the time of day.  In the beginning of all of this, there were some flares that just lasted and lasted, for days, weeks, months on end.  However, as I got my disease under control I notice that they come differently.  For example, I had a night flare last night.  I went to bed fine (some achy muscles due to a long bike ride and gardening, nothing extreme) and proceeded to wake up an unbelievable amount of time in ridiculous pain, and unable to get comfortable.  However, I know that as this day wears on, and my meds kick in, I will start to feel fine.  Tired, but in much less pain.

Then there are the day flares.  I wake up fine, then an ache starts to set in, or worse yet, it comes on sudden.  A screeching immediate pain in one joint, that then may spread throughout my body.  I get immobilized, overwhelmed and tired.  This flare may last for days, but if I can find a fairly comfy position (usually on my back, arms straight at my sides), I can sleep okay.

I've yet to find many triggers for my RA, other than stress or lack of sleep.  I can't find a food that can start a flare, or many environmental factors.  I do know for my health in general, I need to eat balanced, with lots of fruit and veggies, and get some gentle exercise.

I wonder what brings on a day flare, and what brings on a night flare?

Leavin' On A Not-So-Jet Plane

Well, here I go work-travelling again.  It's a good thing that I don't want a job that involves a lot of travel!  This is my fourth trip since february for work.  And leaving here is not easy, it's a good hour and a half to where I'm going , then a 45 minute bus ride.  Fortunately, I've got my i-pod and book to keep me going.  Oh, and the title of my post is in reference to the little planes we get to travel in around here.  The one I'm on today is not bad, but it ain't no jet plane.

I may not be very active this week due to this, but I hope to keep up with everyone's posts/news.  I also really hope that this doesn't send me into a flare like the last trip (which I am now just recovering from).  Oh well.  At least I'll be somewhere new, eating good food and doing a bit of shopping.  The biggest light at the end of this tunnel is that this coming weekend is a long one and my sweetie and I are hiking up to the cabin.  No phones, no t.v., no electricity.  Just us and our doggie :)  It'll be good recuperation time.

Winter Wonderland...in May

This was our backyard, this morning.  I wish I had taken a picture last night, when all the trees were still covered.  I think we had near 30 cm of snow yesterday, May 12th.  That's pretty bad even for us Labrador folks.  I don't mind winter, but you can't do anything in this snow.  Here is a picture I took about a month ago:












Sigh.

Adventures in flying with pie

Um, so I have no excuse for not posting lately.  I think I have the case of the, "I'm still incredibly boring" again.  Welp, no biggie.  I DID go on a work trip last week to the southern part of Labrador/Quebec.  That was pretty damn awesome/pretty damn windy.  I also took some pics:

You may, or may not, notice that these picures are all taken from my hotel window.  When I said it was windy, I meant it.  There was one day I didn't even go outside.  And the other days involved going out the hotel to the van to go for a drive.  To a bakery to buy pie.  Which led to an adventure at the airport involving my pie, a check through security, being told I would have to pack my pie in my backpack and check it in (yeah, pie in a backpack), having to check said pie in a box, check-in at the front counter, another incredibly thorough check throught security (my friends cookies being taken away from her), and ending with the realization when I was landing at home, that they never ONCE checked my I.D.  Nada.  But, I got home, and my pie got home.  It was so-so, a little smooshed, and not super-tasty.

Despite the pie-hassle, this trip was beautiful!  The skies, coastline, and landscape are breathtaking.  I'm hoping to spend more time there this summer on our holidays.  Hopefully it won't be as windy.  And, maybe I'll pick out a tastier pie. 

Testing, Testing

So, I did something kind of stupid, yet interesting over the weekend.  Bear with me here.  I had been reading over and over how anti-inflammatories can affect your chances of getting pregnant (preventing the implantation of the blastocyst).  I've been taking anti-inflammatories and I'm still not pregnant.  I know that it hasn't been very long, we're in our fifth month of trying now.  But, what if it is making a difference?  What if the five months turns into eighteen?  Or something?  So, without doctor knowledge, I stopped taking my diclofenac and took acetaminophen instead.  A combination of expired acetaminophen (discovered later) and acetaminophen for arthritis.  Yeah.

So, the friday evening and saturday went pretty good, I went for a walk and everything.  But sunday turned bad.  And monday morning was a crazy beast who was repeatedly slapping and punching me everywhere on my body.  I hadn't experienced such global pain since my diagnosis days.  Needless to say, when I had my breakfast monday morning, it was accompanied by a diclofenac.

Now, I'm just annoyed.  I know I need the diclofenac, or some kind of strong med.  Is it terrible that I don't want to take prednisone, not just for the unhealthy side-effects, but the aesthetic ones too?  Is that ridiculously shallow of me?  I've never taken pred, but it is one of the safer drugs to take in pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure it would give me relief.  Thoughts??

Whoa

I just realized that I have had RA for about 9 1/2 years.  That's almost a third of my life.  I know there are folks that have had it for much, much longer.  But, cripes, that's a long time to be in pain.  It's long enough for me to not remember very well how it feels to have a body that isn't RA-ridden.  I'm not feeling down in the dumps about it, or anything.  It was just a shock to realize just how much of my life I've had it.  Maybe that's a good thing?  The not remembering?  I mean, this is really and truly my life now.  I can't imagine waking up without some form of pain, or things being easy.  Even if they were to find a cure tomorrow, I would still have lasting pain and struggles because I have too much damage in too many joints (and too many future surgeries to even think about).  I guess it makes me feel kind of positive to recognize the RA, know that it will sometimes kick my butt, but to also know that I can deal with it.  Whatever it brings.

Long Weekend Loveliness

I don't know who St. George is, but I'm thanking that old dude for having a day and giving me a long weekend :)  We had some pretty decent weather, did a little work outside, had fun and spent some money!  I even went for a hike.  A proper, in the woods, up a muddy, snowy, slushy hill hike!  It felt wonderful to be that far out of town again.

One of the things we did was work on the raised gardens, building a mini-greenhouse for the tomatoes and such.  Okay, okay, I didn't really work on this (though I did hold some wood while Dom cut it!), mostly I just picked up all of Fran's garbage, chewed up toys, etc. (she's a messy dog!).  Here she is in all her cuteness:

Yup, we do still have some snow!  Actually, it's impressive that this is all we have for this time of the year.  It went quick.  With our early arrival of spring, I cut some pussy willows (anyone else find this name totally ridiculous?  Maybe it's just common around here) for decorating:

But, best of all is that after over a year of moaning and complaining (from my side only), we got a new couch and loveseat!!!  I absolutely hated the ugly thing that came with our house, but always felt like we couldn't justify buying something new.  After doing our taxes, and me getting a raise (yay me!), we decided to splurge!  Okay, so we may not actually have that money in our hands yet, but it is coming (I hope!).  Here is a pic of the new furniture, and a pic of Fran and I enjoying it:

I just realized how long it's been since I put up some pics!  Must be cause I never take 'em.  Anyway, all in all, a great weekend.  Even though we're now broke :)

Passin' on the Fabulous Sugar Doll Blogger Award

Holy Crap!  I was simply browsin' around last night, reading some blogs, when I went on over to Laurie's blog where she had been nominated for the Fabulous Sugar Doll Blogger Award, had to spill ten things we don't know about her, then nominate 5 other bloggers for the award.  Guess what???  Yup, she nominated me!  AND, called me funny!  I completely freaked at my computer screen (simultaneously blushing and flapping my hands), causing my sweetie to, yet again, wonder what the heck is wrong with me.  Thank you, Laurie!  This is beyond cool (See how easy it is to excite me?).

So, I've since calmed down a little, and begun the thought process of some things y'all might not know about me....

1.  My nickname growing up was (and still is for some folks) Pony.  If you called me that, I would totally answer you.

2.  I'm part Inuit, part nearly everything else possible.

3.  I've had literally hundreds of dreams of whales and sharks.  Seriously.  The shark dreams are always scary, and the whale ones are sorta scary, in the sense that they are so big and powerful.  Oh yes, and I am nearly always in the water with them.  If not, I somehow end up in the water with them (falling, breaking docks, etc.).  Anyone know what this means?

4.  I was in a comedy/farce/sillyness video for my friend's band, Ticklish Brother.  It's basically making fun of how ridiculous obsession is.  I'm gonna be brave and give you the YouTube link: Close To You.  My pup, Fran, makes an appearance as well!

5.  I was going to go to school to be a midwife.  I love everything about pregnancy and birth.  I'd still like to do this, but don't know about doing a job like that (physically taxing, crazy hours) with RA.

6.  In relation to number 5, I've been at four different births :)  Beautiful.

7.  I lived in Ireland for 6 months doing a youth work program.  Whew, a lot of beer was consumed on that adventure!  Ireland is simply gorgeous, and the people incredibly welcoming.  It's a bit touristy in spots (Dublin, I'm looking at you), but there are some places where you get to experience it, on the west coast especially.  Go there!

8.  Onions drive me bananas most of the time, unless they are cooked really, really well.  However, one of the best things I've eaten (and helped make) is our onion soup.  Go figure.  Must be all the butter that's in it.

9.  I met my sweetie at the Women's Centre where I work.  I think of this as very cute and ironic :)  We don's see many men around these parts.

10.  I've been out of the country four times, and have been in less than half of my own country!!  I'm planning on changing that within the next year or so with a cross-country trip :)

So, onto the real fun part: nominating some other amazing women out there.  Reading their blogs is definitely a highlight of my day.  Most have RA, but all inspire me.  In no particular order, begin the fabulousity:

1.  Judy over at RA is Wild.  She also blogs about living a raw lifestyle over at RawSierra, and hikes and backpacks with RA like it's nobody's business!  This woman is die-hard, and a serious inspiration to me.

2.  Jenn at Project Jennifer.  She has recently had both hips replaced, and is still living and loving her life despite the aches and pains that come with it.  She also gets to work with folks with RA, which is freaking awesome!

3. My buddy and pal, Nadine at Unloading and Meandering.  I've known her since I was 13, and love her to death.  She's a passionate gardener, an amazing writer, and has a memory of an elephant!  Loves :)  Bet your surprised that I actually did this, huh, Nadine??  I'm not exactly wonderful at doing this type of thing (memes, lists, passing things on, etc.).

4. Confessions of an Ra Superbitch.  That woman is honest about life with RA, and it is beyond refreshing.

5.  RA (maybe) Mamma cause she is sharing my journey of preparing for, and getting pregnant, with RA.  It's a whirlwind journey for sure.  We need all the support we can get!

So, there it is!  I gotta admit, this has been pretty fun (and challenging).  Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

Workout Schedule? Moi??

So, I'm on an exercise kick, but am trying to be balanced and kind to my body.  When I first was able to start walking again, I started gradually increasing it to every day, and majorly decreasing my other workouts (atationary bike, leg lifts with weights, crunches).  However, I'm finding that going for walks every day is still pretty taxing on my ankle and I tend to not want to do anything else/be out of commission.  Also, though it hurts my ankle, it's not much of a challenge physically, if ya know what I mean.  It ain't gonna get rid of many of my jiggles.

So, here's my new plan.  I love walking.  I love moving in the fresh air, watching the doggie run around in freedom, being one with nature.  I'll go for a good walk one-day, then do my at-home work-out the next, and so on.  I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure by planning some form of exercise every day?  I hope that I'm kind enough to myself that if I am flaring, it's okay to just chill out at home for one day and not quit totally.  I hope.

Sweet and Heart-Breaking

I was over at Jenn's blog :  http://project-jennifer.blogspot.com/  and found this gem of a song.  It's Rob Thomas singing the song "Her Diamonds" he wrote for his wife who has suffered with an autoimmune disease for quite a long time, check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJHa6Vh1bE8&feature=player_embedded

I know I have my moments of feeling sad for myself, and my situation.  But, most of the time, I feel bad for those around me who love me, and can do little to nothing to stop what I am going through.  They can love us, support us, listen to us, care for us, bring us what we need, but they can't stop the disease.  That's what breaks my heart, seeing my loved ones hurt and helpless because of what my body is going through.

Stupid RA.

Start a Revolution

Oh my goodness, I am totally obsessed with Jamie Oliver's new shoe "Food Revolution".  We just watched all three episodes on YouTube, and I can't wait for the next one.  For those that don't know, Jamie Oliver is a pretty famous chef and has gone to the unhealthiest town in America to try and make some changes.  It's no surprise that someone as in love with food as I am is really into this show.  There are definitely flaws.  He handled some things poorly, and there is obviously the whole reality show sensationalism aspect.  Here's a preview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-mYAoWu-O8

It just blows my mind what is considered "good food" to feed our kids.  And, the thing is, this is coming from way up above.  This isn't the schools or the school cooks, it's the system that isn't valuing children's health.  In my opinion, that's completely unacceptable.  A french fry should not count as a vegetable.  Don't get me wrong, I eat some not-so-amazing things sometimes, including french fries.  But, that's sometimes.  For the most part, I eat very well, very balanced.  Anyway, I guess it's a goal of mine to have my future children know what vegetables at least look like :)

Workin' It

I know I do this every once in a while, that post where I'm all, "Oh my gosh!  I totally just did something physical that I didn't think I could do!!".  Sorry, this is one of those posts again.  I can't help it, I'm positive sometimes :)

I got home yesterday, feeling the need to do some kind of physical activity (it had been a while).  So, I broke out the running shoes and got on the elliptical (I had tried it once since I got it back, but only for a few minutes).  I think I did about 15 minutes, broken with 30 second/one minute breaks to stretch and relax my ankle.  I knew after 15 minutes that my time on it was done, but I wasn't done.  So, then I hopped on my bike and did another 15 minutes.  I was actually sweaty and had an increased heart rate!  This is major for me.  Both physically and mentally.  I know that the one workout session didn't make a huge change in my body, but I do feel stronger just having accomplished that.

Oh, and my jealousy of my dog is going away as I am taking the afternoon off with my mom and doing some ice-fishing of my own!  AND, it is a totally beautiful day outside :)  Bliss.

Monday, Monday

Blah, blah and flare.

So, after only having a one-day weekend (working on sunday) I'm back at work for a thankfully short week.  Having just the one day off has drained me beyond belief!  I cannot wait for that glorious four-day weekend to sleep and just plain relax.  And, maybe eat.  I like to do that sometimes, too.  And walk my dog, poor girl has only played frisbee in the backyard lately.  Though she did get to go ice-fishing yesterday.  Without me.  While I had to work on a sunday.  Is it ridiculous to be jealous of my dog?

Anyway, I'm noticing that my RA seems to flare a few days before my next shot of humira is due.  It's like my body has run out too quick, or something.  I wonder if this is just a coincidence, or if it is actually the case?  I had always assumed the reason I took the meds every two weeks was because it stayed in my system that long.  I suppose it is like any other med, sometimes they just don't cut it.

What I wouldn't give.....

....for a rheumatologist.  I live in no-rheumy land, and it kinda sucks.  One comes up occasionally, but my last appointment (a good year and a half ago) was incredibly brief and he basically slapped me on the hand for not taking enough meds.  I don't know about anyone else, but this method does NOT work for me.  I usually make do, I have a pretty up-to-date gp and I'm pretty savvy with getting myself ed-u-ma-cated.  But, sometimes you just want to talk to someone whose main focus is RA.  I have so many questions and concerns about getting/being pregnant with this disease.  I think I just need a lot of comforting right now.

Anyone else have issues with seeing a rheumatologist?

Heaven in a jar

So, I've been noticing all over the foodie blogosphere a little thing called coconut butter.  It's the meat of the coconut, blended up.  So many bloggers out there are using this and can't stop talking about it.  They're putting this nectar on absolutely everything. Now, I love me some coconut in all of it's forms and this looks like a goodie.  And, I SERIOUSLY wanted to try this stuff.  But, where to get it???  I live in Labrador for pete's sake!

Aha!  This is where Heather comes in, of this blog: http://heathereatsalmondbutter.com/.  I've been enjoying her site, when lo and behold!  She decides to MAKE her own coconut butter!!!  Here is the link to her adventure: http://heathereatsalmondbutter.com/2010/03/09/homemade-coconut-butter/.  Thank you HEAB!

So, I went to the grocery store today, picked me up some unsweetend flakes and went to town.  And, you have to go to town, and by that I mean blend the crap out of it.  I threw that stuff into my magic bullet and blended my butt off.  It was so worth it.  Oh my heavens, was it ever.  Folks, if you like coconut you have to try this stuff!  Anyone out there try coconut butter?

Home

Well folks, I am on a much needed vacation.  It's only for six days, but still.  I'm back in my hometown, fly-in only, where the pace of life is much slower.  I'm resting a ton, spending time with my sweetie, reading constantly, eating like a pig, visiting relatives, playing boardgames and enjoying the woodstove :)  On the days leading up to this trip I was in a pretty bad flare, and since I've been here I've felt so good.  I know that there are some other factors playing into this, but this really goes to show how much stress can negatively impact my health.  I've gone on a couple of short walks, and my wrists and thumb are functioning well.  I feel rested and somewhat in control of my body.

Why must vacation end??

Back in the Labrador Groove

Well, this has certainly been a long two weeks!  I've just returned from my second trip to the Island in two weeks and am totally bushed.  My sweetie is finally (fingers-crossed) getting home today after a month long absence.  I cannot tell you what a happy woman I am :)

I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of my blog, as well as catching up with all of you!  I'm feeling a little withdrawal from my usual blog lovin'.  So, look out everyone!  I will be doing some major reading and commenting on all of your blogs!  Can't wait to see what's going on with everyone!

On another note, it's International Women's Day!! Remember, "Feminism is the radical notion that women are people" * .  Imagine that. 

*Charlis Kramarae and Paula Treichler

Travel Bug

So, I've barely gotten home from a quick trip to the Island when I am off again in two days.  This is making me most happy, for a variety of reasons:

1.  I get to see some really wonderful folks (one of which I have been friends with for about 18 years!) who happen to have a really wonderful baby.  Who likes to wipe her grubby hands on me :)  She also likes to get up at about 5 in the morning, but I am not holding that against her :)  She's way too cute for that.

2.  Kill some major time while the Dom is away on his nearly month long school/olympic adventure.  I'm so proud of him, and happy he got to check out a hockey game, but jeez!  This is a loooonnnngggg trip.

3.  Food.  In the form of lovely vegetarian Pad Thai, homecooked chicken heaven, and soon to be sushi in ma tummy.  And, I usually get an awesome breakfast made while I'm there, cause Dave is great like that.

4.  Really awesome decaf, dark roast, fair-trade, organic coffee.  It's the best decaf I've had.  It's so good we're questioning just how "decaf" it is.

5.  Wedding magazine browsing.  Jen is getting married this summer, and it is indeed fun to laugh at those ridiculous dresses!  I know I want to try one on at some point in my life, but I can't imagine actually wearing some of those creations.  I guess I just like to be comfortable.  Strange.

Anyway, I'm pumped about this trip.  I'm leaving a bit earlier than my meetings, just to get some good visiting/eating/shopping for various food items unavailable in Labrador.

Mission Accomplished

Okay, so I was feeling pretty cruddy yesterday and today, and I even started writing a post about how "blah" I was feeling.  Then I went for a walk this afternoon, which was my second walk since friday.  Wait just a darn gosh minute there!  Why am I feeling so down when I have started walking again?!?!?  This has been one of my goals for quite a while now.  There had been days when I can barely get around my house, or from my house to my car.  But, my meds have kicked in and a while back I walked home from work (which is indeed close, but an accomplishment none-the-less).

And then on friday the weather was amazing, I had energy and little pain in my ankle.  So, I decided to take the mutt for a walk.  And I did, and it was glorious.  Let me tell you folks, I even cried on this walk.  Then, I did it again today.  I feel awesome, not perfect, but pretty darn awesome.

Walking is my calm.  It gets me where I need to go.  It gets me outdoors, in the wilderness, close to the earth.  Sometimes it stresses me out, when I see a big lynx up ahead, or in situations where my dog feels the need to run after a moose, or get herself caught in an animal trap (this has happened twice.  A serious downer on walks in the woods.  And, I don't mean a park, I mean the forest).  Don't worry, Fran is a real trooper and loves a good bunny to run after. 

I need it, I need to be able to walk, it keeps me balanced.  I don't feel cruddy, I feel good.  I'm walkin' again!

1 step forward, 700 steps back

So, I am trying to make preventative plans to manage my disease for when I actually get pregnant and everything seems to come back and bite me in the butt! I've always heard that turmeric is great for inflammation, and recently read about turmeric tea here : http://meghantelpnerblog.com/.

Then, I thought, "I drink a green smoothie nearly everyday. Why don't I just add it to my smoothie?" And, I did, that very morning. I also started making plans to really up my drinking of juniper tea (it grows wild here) during my future pregnancy. This stuff is the shiz-nit. I've heard that they (you know, "they" being the medical establishment) are actually studying it as a treatment in cancer patients.

So, I got to the office (what? Am I supposed to be working at the office?) and started googling these things, just checking them out, reading all about their lovely benefits, when I get down to the contraindications: to be avoided while pregnant. What?!?!? But, what about my plan? I know that the majority of women go into remission while pregnant, but that doesn't usually happen until the second trimester or so. What about the first few months of no meds?

So, my question is: are there any natural anti-inflammatories out there that can be safely used while pregnant?

Surgery story, mucus and all

I've been reading all about surgery over here : http://project-jennifer.blogspot.com/, she is another young woman who has had jra and recently received two new hips! She seems to be doing really well (you know, aside from recovering from major surgery. That takes the best out of any of us). Her writing has been bringing up memories of my own replacement surgery. As happy as I am now with my bionic elbow, I'm recalling just how crappy a time that actually was in my life.


I'd had ra for about 4/5 years when I was at a long overdue appointment with my rheumatologist and he told me that I would need a total elbow replacement. I had been back living in Labrador for over a year, working and living my life.


It was such a shock! And, I am not entirely sure why. I had spent years suffering in pain, long periods of time struggling to even touch my face, wash my hair, dress myself, sleep like a normal person. It's not that I had never considered surgery a part of my future, I just hadn't considered it so soon! I was only 25. So, a surgery was scheduled (really quickly, I might add. I guess they considered me some kind of emergency case? Most people wait up to two years or more, I waited about 5 months from referral to a surgeon to the consultation appointment to the actual surgery). I would have to go to another province, and my mom was coming with me to help me perform basic daily tasks.


The night before surgery, I started freaking out just a little, oddly enough not about the actual surgery, but of general anaesthesia! I had heard so many terrible stories of hallucinations, it wasn't the thought of pain that scared me, it was the thought of not having control over my mind. An amazing nurse let me cry, told me her survival story and calmed me down immensely. I wish I could remember her name (I'll have to ask my mom), but I am thankful for her. And the nurse that made me laugh about my toes. Laughter really is the best medicine.


So, the surgery went well, and the anaesthesia was actually like having the best sleep of my life. My recovery was pretty good (other than screwing up my meds and experiencing an unbelievably painful afternoon until the dosage was corrected). However, when I went in to have my bandage removed and my incision looked at, blood came flowing out. This is the point where I had to keep it together as my mother was the one about to panic. I'm telling her that it's fine, there's no pain or anything. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "what the hell?!?!?" So the nurse promptly bandaged me up, good and tight. Now this is where I believe everything went downhill.


My mom and I return to Labrador. En route I set off the alarm at an airport due to the replacement. This, I think, is both cool and disturbing. I have appointments for physio, getting my staples removed, and continued bandage changes. Life seems to be going good. Until I notice some weird stuff leaking out of my arm. A nurse has a look at it, tells me it looks, "a little green" and promptly sends me to emerg. Things progressively get worse from there. I am started on oral and IV antibiotics immediately due to an infected hematoma (remember where I was bleeding and they bandaged me up?), experience vein collapse, and have the most disgusting anything come out of a human body come out of my arm. Now, the number one concern with joint replacements is infection. If the infection gets into the new joint, they have to remove it and put in another one, which is much more difficult than a first replacement. You can see where I start to get worried, right?


But, I perservered. And, the infection didn't go into my joint, it continued draining out in ways that would remind anyone of a horror movie (lets just say the word "mucus" doesn't quite cut it). My infection cleared up and I resumed my physio. I had made it through this nearly month long ordeal. And, I had a shiny new elbow to show for it. No more pain or swelling in this joint, baby!


I can't believe that was nearly 6 years ago. I often don't think about it, but today, all of those fears, and triumphs, are right there. Remembering when I first got my appetite back (with a meal of salmon, naturally), the lovely couple who kept my mom company in the hostel, nurses whose names I cannot remember but who I won't ever forget, and my mom who took care of me. Thanks, mom :)


Hmmm, maybe another day I'll tell the story of my second surgery, in which I was awake, and the surgeon realized that he needed to saw off more bone. With an electric saw. While I was awake. Party time, people!

Greedy

Two posts in one day! I'm getting way ahead of myself....

Anyway, I already have one of these:

Now I would like one of these:

And, one of these:

That's not too much to ask, is it?

I'm having those fears again. Those fears that totally freak me out in the middle of the night when I am all alone. The fear of not being able to take care of a helpless baby due to my stupid RA.

I had a bit of a flare a few days ago, mostly in my hands. Hands that would need to carry and care for a baby. And I can't help but wonder what I will do on the days like that when we do have a baby? There is going to be times when I am all alone with her, and she will need me to pick her up, dress her, feed her.

Sometimes this is really overwhelming. Exciting and eager and happy, but overwhelming. I know that those days are fewer than the good ones, but what do I do on those bad days?

Awwww

Now, I am not a big Valentine's Day person, it's pretty commercialized and cheesy. Also partly because I was generally single on this day, and if not, certain love-birds were not in the same town (more exact: as far away from each other as you can get in the second biggest country in the world).

However, I can get behind love. So, I just want to send out some lovin' to my sweetie, who is in mid-air right now, getting ever farther from me. We'll just celebrate our love like we normally do: all of the time, regardless of where we are. Loves :)

Pretty please?

OK, so as much as I love snow and winter, can I ask that it not snow too much during the time I am all alone? Please? I'm only asking this cause I find it particularly stressful constantly asking people to shovel my driveway for me. And I'm starting to get a little worried as it has not stopped snowing heavily since tuesday.



Oh god, I just looked at the weather forecast. I'm doomed. 54 to 78 cm between friday and wednesday. Great.

Negative Nelly

Sigh. It's only 9:30 in the morning and I am already hating this day. I was so slow and sore this morning, even my rockin' new haircut couldn't keep me going. A ton of snow fell, so the driveway had to be done, I'm guessing the ton of snow caused a ton of hurt in my ankle, slowing me down even more. My pants are totally soaked from the snow. And, I somehow managed to spill a mega amount of coffee all down my leg without even noticing! I was standing outside on the front step leaving for work when this happened, so there was no way in h-e-double hockey-sticks I was going back in, taking off ma boots, changing my pants (into what??? I have no clean clothes!!!), and putting ma boots back on again. Not happening. Fortunately I work at a place where, barring big meetings, I can wear whatever the crap I want to work. Even then, I would totally wear a nice pair of jeans to a big meeting. Just ones that don't have coffee on them.

Now I am off to get my legs checked out for paralysis or nerve damage, due to not feeling hot coffee running down my leg. Sheesh.

My dirty little secret

I have to fess up. I do it, too. Pretty well every day. It gets me really excited and happy, and I just can't stop looking. That's right, I'm addicted to food porn. According to Urban Dictionary food porn is: close-up images of juicy, delicious food in advertisements. Oh yeah, baby.


I love eating and I love looking at pictures of food. How am I not 400 pounds? Do I have an eating disorder? Or perhaps I am just appreciative?

Anyway, this is what I've been doing with most of my computer time lately. It's kind of ridiculous, cause I don't even like to cook! Fortunately I live with a good cook and get some of my own "live" food porn at home :) Looking at all those lovely pictures with the different types of veggies and what-not really makes me wish sometimes I lived elsewhere and had access to different types of food. Ah well, such is life.