Slow and Steady Drops the Pounds

Just popping in to brag that I am down about four pounds!!  This has happened in the past month, so about a pound a week, which is pretty reasonable.  Especially considering the flares I've been having (in my hip!!!  NOOOO!!!!!), coupled with the icy conditions (aka, little walking for me) spring often brings.  My focus has been on my serving sizes, and I've even been eating treats (of the ice cream and cream egg varieties).

I'm assuming all my hard work will be undone as this Friday, Dom and I are off on a road trip to the Montreal area for 10 days!!  Aside from family time, all our plans revolve around food:  Dom's favourite pizza place; crazy poutine (involving coleslaw - don't knock it til you've tried it!  I knocked it, then tried it and am now contrite); SUGAR SHACK (that deserves bold letters cause they revolve around maple syrup, my crack, if you will); various other lovely restaurants; grocery shopping for non existent in Labrador foods; and I'm assuming crepes made by the ma-in-law :)

The last time I was in Montreal in April (2008), it looked like this:

Sunshine, warm temps, lovely outdoor cafe with amazing brie-honey sandwiches, awesome shirt borrowed from friend, awesome baby borrowed from friend....perfect spring day!

The Big, Dreaded Word

Well, I have to admit I fell off the wagon last night.  I totally ate junk food for my dinner as a result of my emotional eating.  However, I've decided I don't really care about it as my afternoon delivered the big, dreaded word: infertility.  Now, I am not saying I am infertile, but I am saying I might be.  I'm saying my OB/GYN spoke with Dom and I about possibly taking fertility meds.  I am saying I delivered a request from my doctor to radiology for a test for infertility (a pretty invasive one, I might add!) that stated, "INFERTILITY" on it.  I'm saying I nearly lost my shit in radiology.  It just makes it so much more real having it written by someone else on paper.

This appointment was followed by a couple of tears and a greasy supper that I somehow feel soothes my sorrow, which was then followed by a visit with a happy-go-lucky pregnant friend (which is wonderful, but slightly brutal on that particular day).

I've decided that I am allowed to have "infertility days".  I'm guessing these will be my appointment/procedure days.  Days that if I am craving crap, I'm going to go with it.  Days when I don't need to visit with friends, especially friends that are pregnant.  I dearly love my friends, and I love talking about their pregnancies (I did want to be a midwife), but sometimes I don't need the reminder that this hasn't been, and maybe won't be, an easy road for me.

Not About Bikinis...

Sigh.  As a staunch feminist I don't advocate for "perfect" bodies.  I love all shapes and sizes, and believe that health and happiness can be at any weight.  However, in the past year and a half (or so) I've gained about 20 pounds.  I think I have been eating a bit more crap than what I used to, but the real culprit is my drop in physical activity.  I used to walk everywhere, snowshoe, elliptical, hike, generally build up a sweat on a daily basis.  But, with this dumb ankle, and dumb hip, I just can't maintain that level anymore.

I wasn't underweight to begin with, so I'm not too into the idea of carrying around a bunch of extra weight on my already stressed out ankle.  I don't think I'm at a weight (around 155 at 5'3 and a half) that is really impacting my health, other than my joints.  I've also been thinking that when (not if!) I get pregnant, that's a bunch more impact added to my poor joints.  So, folks, I'm on a very healthy mission to lose about 15-20 pounds.  I'm trying to incorporate more activity into my life (much more regular walking and hopefully I'll get back to my Pilate's), but the real change has to be my food intake.  Dom and I are generally super healthy eaters, I guess I just eat too much.  So, lately I've been cutting down sizes and really trying to pay attention to my body and what it needs.  It hasn't been horrific thus far and I have eaten some amazing food.

I just hate being a woman talking about losing weight!  Somehow I feel like I am going against so much of what I believe in.  Except, I believe in being healthy and I don't feel healthy at this weight (my ankle sure doesn't!).  So, hell no, I'm not on a diet!  I guess I'm just trying to be more intuitive.  Anyone have any good vibes to send my way?  I can still be a feminist if I want to lose weight for my health, right?

32

Here's to a great year, full of family, friends, love, baby-makin' fun, simple cups of tea, flares, accomplishments, ups, downs and all the in-betweens.  Here's to being wiser, gaining strength and letting go of some crap.  Here's to wishes and dreams, and not letting go of them.  Here's to boat-loads of birthday cake from some amazing people.

I'm determined that my 32nd year, which starts today, will be the best one I've yet to see :)  Much love and peace, friends!

Morning Conversation

Scene: Me sitting, N coming over to say hi.

Me:  "Morning!"

N:  "Good morning, are you putting on weight?"

Me: "YES."

N:  "Are you pregnant?"

Me:  "NO."

N:  "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant.  Cause you're putting on weight."

Me:  "Nope, not pregnant."

N:  "OH!  Guess what??   So-and-so is in labour!  It's so exciting!!!"

Wham, bam, schlam.  Three for one.  YES, I have gained weight.  NO, despite trying for 15 cycles I am still not pregnant.  OH, everyone else is pregnant and having their babies??   THAT'S GREAT.

Note:  I have only slightly altered this conversation.  There was a side conversation about going to the bank after I said good morning, and the story about the labouring woman was wayyyy longer than I depicted.  Other than that, it is nearly word for word.  Such is my life.

Just A Quickie

I'm just popping in to brag:  IT'S SNOWING!!!!!   I know for many this isn't something to be so excited about, but I truly am!  I know I'm not the one who has to shovel it, but still.  It's so beautiful and calming, and besides, it helps to insulate houses from the -20C temps we've been having in these parts.

I'M SO BLISSED OUT RIGHT NOW :D

For Squirrel!

In my last post I mentioned snowshoeing, my beloved winter activity.  Squirrel, over at Feelin' Swell: My Life With RA, questioned me as to what the heck this actually is.  Well, far be it from me to get over-excited and blab on and on about snowshoeing!

For starters, here are a few pics of me snowshoeing over Christmas break:

In the top photo you can see the Franster joining me in a pose while modeling her Christmas bandanna (yes I am a nerd who puts a bandanna on her dog!).  And, the bottom is an action shot.  We don't have much snow, but I was desperate to get out! :)

Basically snowshoeing is the use of snowshoes to be able to walk on snow, distributing weight evenly to avoid sinking into it too deeply.  This is pretty key for places that get many feet/metres of snow.   Snowshoes are traditionally a wooden, ovalish frame with woven rawhide (or rope, or any other long rope-like thing).  Modern snowshoes are metal, no real weaving, and are generally smaller.  I can't really see them working in very deep snow, due to their size.  These are not for me.  I like the wooden/woven ones.

(Here is where I would insert a close-up pic of a more traditional snowshoe, but blogger is being a jerk.  Instead here is a wikipedia link to have a look at one type of snowshoe).

Snowshoeing is my favourite form of exercise, it is my favourite way to burn calories, to socialize, to de-stress, to walk the dog, to re-energize and to enjoy the outdoors.  When I couldn't snowshoe last year, due to my dumb ankle, I cried.  When I tried again this year, and was able to do it, I cried again.  I am in no way an exercise lover (I am in fact, quite lazy), but there is something about it that enthralls me.  It works my muscles like crazy, while simultaneously linking me to nature (I live in Labrador for a reason).

As, I type this I look out the window to see snow softly falling, a promise of snowshoe days to come.  This truly is my bliss.  Thanks for the opportunity to share this, Squirrel!