The Big, Dreaded Word

Well, I have to admit I fell off the wagon last night.  I totally ate junk food for my dinner as a result of my emotional eating.  However, I've decided I don't really care about it as my afternoon delivered the big, dreaded word: infertility.  Now, I am not saying I am infertile, but I am saying I might be.  I'm saying my OB/GYN spoke with Dom and I about possibly taking fertility meds.  I am saying I delivered a request from my doctor to radiology for a test for infertility (a pretty invasive one, I might add!) that stated, "INFERTILITY" on it.  I'm saying I nearly lost my shit in radiology.  It just makes it so much more real having it written by someone else on paper.

This appointment was followed by a couple of tears and a greasy supper that I somehow feel soothes my sorrow, which was then followed by a visit with a happy-go-lucky pregnant friend (which is wonderful, but slightly brutal on that particular day).

I've decided that I am allowed to have "infertility days".  I'm guessing these will be my appointment/procedure days.  Days that if I am craving crap, I'm going to go with it.  Days when I don't need to visit with friends, especially friends that are pregnant.  I dearly love my friends, and I love talking about their pregnancies (I did want to be a midwife), but sometimes I don't need the reminder that this hasn't been, and maybe won't be, an easy road for me.

Obsessed....

.....with fertility blogs. Or rather, infertility blogs. Totally, completely obsessed. I think I am just preparing myself for the worse. It's been inspirational reading about all of those women who have been trying for sooo long and finally get pregnant, and those that are still struggling with infertility. It is truly amazing how strong women can be. I'm thanking all of those women for being so brave and for sharing their stories. I believe in the power of support and knowing you are not alone.

Oooh, and though this may be tmi for some, I got my period today! That means my cycle is getting pretty much on track after stopping bc. So, I've been bbt-ing it and even have a opk. Not wasting any time over here. And I may also be having fun with acronyms :)

One of my favourite blogs, thus far:
www.999reasonstolaughatinfertility.blogspot.com