Fifth Time's a Charm?

This afternoon I will be receiving my first infusion of Orencia.  I am nervous and excited.  What if I have a reaction?  What if it is the med that works for me?  So many questions and thoughts are racing through my head this morning, negative and positive.  I can't help but think that this is my fifth biologic I've tried in the course of my nearly 13 year history with RA.  This is getting tiresome, but I am still hopeful.

I've been able to get out walking again, which has been a miracle for my mental and physical health.  Both of my ankles are hit by RA and as you know, this makes walking a pain in the butt (and ankles).  I discovered that walking in Bogs, a rubber boot, somehow gives me the exact arch and ankle support I need to head out for a hike.  I never thought I would be choosing a rubber boot over my beloved hikers, but there you go.

So, T-Minus two hours til infusion time.  Dom is coming to keep me company, and the infusion room is pretty nice: comfy chair, windows and a kitchen.  I can do this.

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving weekend up here in these parts.  I'm currently lounging around in a fluffy robe, after having got up the butt-crack of dawn to see off Dom.  No, he's not heading out of town, he was off to catch a bus that would take him to the starting line of his first marathon.  Sometimes I wonder how well matched we really are?  Dude is going to run for nearly four hours today and I can barely walk across the parking lot. 

But, I can walk across a parking lot, without crutches, without a wheelchair.  I can go stand at the finish line and cheer in my sweet love.  For this I am thankful.  I have to keep reminding myself that things could be worse.  Even at my bleakest, this-crap-sucks times, it could be worse.  I am thankful I have access to great, free health care; that surgeries and medicine exist that make my life better; that technology has advanced so much that I have a community of others at my fingertips who know exactly what I'm talking about, without ever having to get off my comfy couch; and especially for my family and friends (crackpots though they may be - running for HOURS - crazytown).

And, turkey. Oh, the turkey that will be consumed today.  And, pie.  Let us not forget pie.

Six Months

Six months ago yesterday my body changed yet again.  I lost some old, worn out pieces, and gained some new porcelain and metal ones.  As my body continues to become less and less human, these pieces of man-made material enable me to live a happier life.  Enable me to feel more human, more capable. 

Six months ago my life changed, I can honestly say that.

Now, if only the rest of my body would get the memo.

So...now what?

In what could go down as a stupid financial decision, but feeling like the right life and happiness decision, I have resigned from my job of 5 years (nearly 7 when you include the contract work I've done with them prior to being hired permanently).  Resigned with no back-up work, I should add.  So many factors had gone into this decision, the top reason being stress. There was dysfunction and imbalance (and sooooo many other things).  I think the place is headed in a good direction, but it will be without me.  Which is good for me, and probably good for the organization.  I've always believed in new people and new ideas as being beneficial.

I feel like I am at a crossroads.  This is an opportunity.  An opportunity to explore other career paths, maybe finally get my ass back to school like I've been talking about for years, generally deciding what I want to be when I grow up.  But, it's also, like, freaking scary.  This job was part of my identity.  Not all of me, but a part.  I don't want to jump into the first job that comes along, but I also don't want to wait so long that money is TIGHT (to say the least).

The unknown of my future is simultaneously terrifying and exciting me right now.

Where's My Ice Cream?

What is up with getting ready for vacation and needing a vacation from all that getting-readiness?  I feel like I haven't stopped (to any relaxing degree) in days.  Cleaning, packing, laundry, stressing over leaving the pup.  Someone is coming in to stay and look after the mutt and I feel like I need to clean extra, cause, you know.  Nobody needs to see my chaos.  Also?  It is really hot here.  I know I shouldn't be complaining, as some places actually have dangerous heat, but 32 degrees Celsius is hot enough.  Not to mention I am Inuit living in the North.  I'm only typing this post as I forced myself to sit for awhile, and cool down after doing the dishes and bringing laundry in off the line.

I may only be working part-time, but there is a part of me that's thinking it's kind of awesome to be so busy right before leaving, making me feel like I may actually deserve a vacation.  Scratch that.  I TOTALLY deserve a vacation.  I may have traveled a lot in the past year, but I could barely move and it hurt like hell.  This is my first trip in years (that may be an over-estimation) that does not involve work, or doctors, or bone saws.  Bring it vacay.  Montreal with all your glorious food, St. Jean-Sur-Richelieu with your hot air balloon festival, and Hampton Beach - you better have ice cream waiting for me.

Working Gal

I officially went back to work today!  Well, technically last night I went in for a few hours to help figure out where to put crap, and what to throw out.  Ahhh moving, how I hate you.  I'm planning on working three mornings this week and possible the same, or a little more, next week.  My hip is doing great, it's just the rest of my body needs to catch up.  Also, re-adjusting to working at an actual desk and chair, as opposed to sprawled on my couch with my feet on the coffee table, has already been a challenge.  I'm exhausted, to say the least.

It probably didn't help that I was woken at 4:30 by hordes of mosquitoes trying to kill Dom and I in our sleep.  Our bedroom walls/ceiling currently look like a crime scene from our revenge.

Going in to work today actually made me feel like a normal, contributing human being.  This past winter was so dependent, and so isolating.  As tiring as this is, it's pretty cool to be doing something again.

All By Myself

In a few days I will be traveling on a plane totally by myself since the operation (or well before).  I'm a little nervous, but don't think there is actually much to be worried about.  I'm at nearly 10 weeks post-op and the hip is getting stronger everyday.  I'm mostly concerned about the stairs getting on the plane, they're kind of steep and spaced far apart. 

I'm heading out for meetings, but going early to spend time with my godbabies!!  I can't wait!  I haven't seen these kids (and their parents, love them too), in months.  And, the last time I saw them was just before the replacement and the day after Dom's hand surgery.  EG., not the best time to have an enjoyable visit.

So, I haven't been back to work yet.  Which is a pretty long time.  It's been a combo of me taking my time and now my building is not open (new office building, yay!!).  I haven't worked since September and feel pretty nervous about getting back into that groove.  I'm worried that I'll be really uncomfortable in my two day long meetings coming up.

In other news, summer is coming!  We're getting the garden ready, and the greenhouse is getting full.  Can't wait to eat some fresh veggies from my backyard (well, fingers crossed we are successful).