Tastes of Home

How can eating fish make me so happy??  I don't think I need anything else in my life at this very moment other than this freshly caught salmon with spinach, red pepper and avocado salad.  Salmon caught by my uncle.  I guess it would be better if Dom were here, but I know he is probably right now eating his exact replica of a lunch, so we're good.

This should be us, in a few weeks:

                                    Dom and I summer 2009, cleaning the salmon we caught.

                                               I wish I could still squat down like that! 

Living the good life, I tell ya!  Summer in Labrador ain't nothin' to be sneered at.  I'll soon be in my small, ocean-side hometown, fishing, attending a salmon festival (a whole festival dedicated to my one true love - after Domino), whale-gazing, eating great food, and loving my family.  Can't wait!

* edited to add:  I don't know what in the crap is up with Blogger, but I currently can't comment on any blogs - mine or otherwise.  I wanted to comment in the post down below and thank everyone for their support in this wacky/anxious/exciting journey I am on.  So, thank you! 
Much love and peace, Pony.

Good Things...

1.  Summer, though the temperatures are a little on the low side.  On the upswing, though!

2.  Sunflower seed butter.  Melty on my oatmeal.  Who knew??

3.  The tulips in the strawberry patch.

4.  The strawberry patch, for that matter.

5.  A three day work week coming up.  Monday and Friday off.  Sa-weet!!

5.  Having clear fallopian tubes.  Truly under-rated, and pretty key in this baby-makin' business :)

Send Some Love?

Well, in a couple of hours time, I'll be off to the doctor's to stick my feet in stirrups have an HSG test done, which is basically a fertility test to see if my tubes are open.  I'm excited and scared and looking forward to answers (whether negative or positive!).  When I started this blog, it was to find support, from anyone with RA, but mostly to talk about being a woman with RA and trying for a baby.  I never thought it would come to me talking about infertility like this, but here we are.  And, support I get in droves!  Despite this post, I feel optimistic, as whatever news I get today, there are paths to take (either easy or expensive and time-consuming-whatever, they're still options).

Just lookin' for some good vibes!!  Thanks :)

Back To Life, Back to Hyper Dog Activity

Back from vacation, back from a work trip, back to reality where my four-pound weight loss was shot out the window because of vacation, and back to dog-sitting (by myself).  Yeeeaaaahhhh.

Why do I feel like I need a vacation just after I had a vacation???

Oh, and that picture down there, the one in the post below where I am all warm and sunny in Montreal?  Never happened.  No, no, no, it had to be the coldest temperatures in 70 years while we were there.  And rain.  Which has resulted in an awful flood in St-Jean-sur-Richelieu, my sweetie's hometown.  Not to worry, all the family are safe and sound, as are their houses.  Not so for about 3000 other homes and buildings in the town.  Please give a shout-out, prayer, thought or anything else to the folks of Richelieu, who are going through some pretty crap time right now.  Which makes my crap time pretty insignificant.

Slow and Steady Drops the Pounds

Just popping in to brag that I am down about four pounds!!  This has happened in the past month, so about a pound a week, which is pretty reasonable.  Especially considering the flares I've been having (in my hip!!!  NOOOO!!!!!), coupled with the icy conditions (aka, little walking for me) spring often brings.  My focus has been on my serving sizes, and I've even been eating treats (of the ice cream and cream egg varieties).

I'm assuming all my hard work will be undone as this Friday, Dom and I are off on a road trip to the Montreal area for 10 days!!  Aside from family time, all our plans revolve around food:  Dom's favourite pizza place; crazy poutine (involving coleslaw - don't knock it til you've tried it!  I knocked it, then tried it and am now contrite); SUGAR SHACK (that deserves bold letters cause they revolve around maple syrup, my crack, if you will); various other lovely restaurants; grocery shopping for non existent in Labrador foods; and I'm assuming crepes made by the ma-in-law :)

The last time I was in Montreal in April (2008), it looked like this:

Sunshine, warm temps, lovely outdoor cafe with amazing brie-honey sandwiches, awesome shirt borrowed from friend, awesome baby borrowed from friend....perfect spring day!

The Big, Dreaded Word

Well, I have to admit I fell off the wagon last night.  I totally ate junk food for my dinner as a result of my emotional eating.  However, I've decided I don't really care about it as my afternoon delivered the big, dreaded word: infertility.  Now, I am not saying I am infertile, but I am saying I might be.  I'm saying my OB/GYN spoke with Dom and I about possibly taking fertility meds.  I am saying I delivered a request from my doctor to radiology for a test for infertility (a pretty invasive one, I might add!) that stated, "INFERTILITY" on it.  I'm saying I nearly lost my shit in radiology.  It just makes it so much more real having it written by someone else on paper.

This appointment was followed by a couple of tears and a greasy supper that I somehow feel soothes my sorrow, which was then followed by a visit with a happy-go-lucky pregnant friend (which is wonderful, but slightly brutal on that particular day).

I've decided that I am allowed to have "infertility days".  I'm guessing these will be my appointment/procedure days.  Days that if I am craving crap, I'm going to go with it.  Days when I don't need to visit with friends, especially friends that are pregnant.  I dearly love my friends, and I love talking about their pregnancies (I did want to be a midwife), but sometimes I don't need the reminder that this hasn't been, and maybe won't be, an easy road for me.

Not About Bikinis...

Sigh.  As a staunch feminist I don't advocate for "perfect" bodies.  I love all shapes and sizes, and believe that health and happiness can be at any weight.  However, in the past year and a half (or so) I've gained about 20 pounds.  I think I have been eating a bit more crap than what I used to, but the real culprit is my drop in physical activity.  I used to walk everywhere, snowshoe, elliptical, hike, generally build up a sweat on a daily basis.  But, with this dumb ankle, and dumb hip, I just can't maintain that level anymore.

I wasn't underweight to begin with, so I'm not too into the idea of carrying around a bunch of extra weight on my already stressed out ankle.  I don't think I'm at a weight (around 155 at 5'3 and a half) that is really impacting my health, other than my joints.  I've also been thinking that when (not if!) I get pregnant, that's a bunch more impact added to my poor joints.  So, folks, I'm on a very healthy mission to lose about 15-20 pounds.  I'm trying to incorporate more activity into my life (much more regular walking and hopefully I'll get back to my Pilate's), but the real change has to be my food intake.  Dom and I are generally super healthy eaters, I guess I just eat too much.  So, lately I've been cutting down sizes and really trying to pay attention to my body and what it needs.  It hasn't been horrific thus far and I have eaten some amazing food.

I just hate being a woman talking about losing weight!  Somehow I feel like I am going against so much of what I believe in.  Except, I believe in being healthy and I don't feel healthy at this weight (my ankle sure doesn't!).  So, hell no, I'm not on a diet!  I guess I'm just trying to be more intuitive.  Anyone have any good vibes to send my way?  I can still be a feminist if I want to lose weight for my health, right?