I'm having those fears again. Those fears that totally freak me out in the middle of the night when I am all alone. The fear of not being able to take care of a helpless baby due to my stupid RA.

I had a bit of a flare a few days ago, mostly in my hands. Hands that would need to carry and care for a baby. And I can't help but wonder what I will do on the days like that when we do have a baby? There is going to be times when I am all alone with her, and she will need me to pick her up, dress her, feed her.

Sometimes this is really overwhelming. Exciting and eager and happy, but overwhelming. I know that those days are fewer than the good ones, but what do I do on those bad days?