Blessings

As much as I hate this disease, as much as I want to kick it to the curb, as much as it has destroyed and will keep destroying my body, and testing my sanity, it could be much worse.

On top of the unbearable pain, the stiffness, the change in quality of life, the planning months in advance for something so natural, the fear of what my future holds, the worry about what I am getting my partner into, there is one thing that has never been a worry:

I could also be in financial ruin like so many others with my disease. Or unable to access medications to manage my ra.

Some medications can cost up to (and maybe even beyond) $25,000 a year. Seriously.

And, I have it all covered. All of it. My medications, travel to see specialists (where I live, I have to fly at least 1 1/2 hours to get to a rheumatologist/orthopedic surgeon), everything.

I am a member of an Aboriginal group that has self-governance and provides amazing non-insured health benefits. No co-pay, no claims, if my doctor is recommending it, it is most often covered entirely. If the medication is deemed okay by Health Canada, then it is a go. My mother has traveled with me for up to a week to help me post-surgery. Plane tickets, accommodations, food, both of us covered.

I had always planned to come back to Labrador after school (which was also fully covered: travel, tuition, books, living expenses. Seriously.) and give back to the communities. And I have. This is my home, and it has given so much to me.

I may have a crazy, crappy disease, but I am so, so lucky. And, I am so, so thankful.

Blargh!! And Rowr!!!

Ew, ew, ew, methotrexate sucks!! I can't wait to be done with this vile medicine (for you four readers who don't know, it's a low-dose chemo)! AND, I just realized that I am only weeks away from stopping it! Gimme a woot!

I took it last night, and already feel a mouth sore cropping up. Yuck. And ow.

So, soon, no more nausea, mouth sores, med induced fatigue (I'm guessing fatigue is a part of my life, not just from meds), and having to drink gallons of water to flush it through my system. I do like water, but it's overwhelming to drink so much when you feel icky.

For my dose of positivity to get me out of this methotrexate fog, I have another physio appointment this afternoon :) I think it will basically just be me telling her that I love my ankle brace. Did I mention that I love my ankle brace? Cause I do. Here are some pictures that make me happy:

We grew sunflowers in our backyard! Really!:

Cute boy with yummy fish. Life does not get better:

She never looks straight at the camera! It's a little dark, but isn't she cute?:

Walking? What a strange concept :)

Soooo, I finally got my long-awaited appointment with the physiotherapist last week. My goal was to get an ankle brace to provide some much needed stability to my left ankle. And that is exactly what I got in the form of this:

www.aircast.com/index.asp/fuseaction/products.detail/cat/1/id/6


Awesome!

Hopefully I will be getting my custom-made orthotics this week as well, and I'm really hoping that with the two of them combined (plus meds kicking in, please?) I'll be able to go for walks!! Imagine that! Or, even just walking down the road to work!

It's too much. I can't handle it.

Mmmmm :)

I just wanted to write a post about how much I love cheese.

Soooo goooood. And I'm not talking about neon orange cheddar here. No, no, no, I'm talking about triple creme brie, creamy blue, goat cheese covered in ash, other cheese with ash in the middle (what's up with ash? WHO CARES - soooo goooood), and curds. Sweet, delicious, save my life curds. Curds on their own, in poutine form, straight to my mouth, squeaky curds. If curds don't squeak, they ain't good curds.

Cheese is good when it's on it's own, in a salad, on a cracker, paired with fruit, on pasta, melted in the oven with maple syrup and walnuts then scooped up with really nice crusty bread. In case you haven't noticed, I've eaten some really good cheese lately.

This post is brought to you by the Dominator, who just got back from Montreal (land of lovely cheese and sweet mother-in-laws who buy said cheese).

I am no different

....than many other women. I succumb to media influences, too. I tried two different topics for this post before settling on the topic of body image. I had just come from a site with a slide show depicting images of women (and one man and one cat!!) and what their BMI's were (not the actual number, but the category: normal, overweight, etc.). Here it is:

http://kateharding.net/bmi-illustrated/

It was totally ridiculous! I would never guess that many of the individuals were categorized by the BMI as being "overweight" or "obese", or whatever other category they fit into. I guess that is exactly the point: how can we categorize someone, and their health, by looking at them???



According to the index, I am very close to being "overweight". A couple of pounds away. And while I have my moments, thinking about losing weight, annoyingly staring and poking at my soft tummy, I do not feel as though my weight is impacting my health. Embarrassingly, it's all about aesthetics when I do think about it. How I look in the mirror. Sad.

Why do we do this to ourselves? How does it help me, my confidence, to judge myself on something so arbitrary? I know that if I gained a lot of weight, it would not be helpful to my ankle, which hurts a lot when weight is placed on it. But come on, how much weight would I need to lose for my ankle not to hurt? An amount that would be unhealthy for the rest of me, that's for sure.

I'm not sure how to finish this post, or what conclusion to come to. I certainly don't feel like this all the time, but it does go to show you that anyone, no matter how confident and comfortable one is, can have times where they question themselves. Well, I do feel a bit better than when I started to write this post yesterday :)

In other news, I just joined BlogHer! Yay!! I'm actually doing something that I intended to do: start a blog to meet some folks in the same boat as me :)

StolenWords

Recently my words have been stolen. Well, maybe "stolen" is not the word, but they have certainly been appropriated. I'm not too upset about it, I just find the situation bizarre. I had responded to an email to someone, as usual stating my opinion (I'm not known for that, really ;) ), backing it up with some stats. They then posted it somewhere public, without permission, and without indicating that they were my words.

Huh.

I'm not angry, or embarrassed, and I will stand by what I said. Just confused. Why would someone do that? I'm assuming that they thought I had good points, and it helped their argument. That's cool. But if that were me, I would have said something along the lines, "so-and-so said it best: 'insert quote' ".

Anyway, that was my weird moment of yesterday, a day way too filled with anger. The point of my email was to help someone with some facts, give my opinion, etc. on a topic that is near and dear to my heart: violence against women. Some of the misinformation out there is astounding! But that is another post for another day.

Oink Oink

Sigh.

I feel so conflicted in so many ways regarding H1N1. For one thing, I feel that there is way too much hysteria and scare tactics surrounding this. However, I also feel like it shouldn't be taken lightly, that there are individuals who will be seriously impacted by this. I don't know if it will be any worse than the "normal flu" that happens every year, but why take a chance?

I've decided to get the vaccine. I'd been wavering back and forth about whether to do it or not, but have made the decision to go ahead and get it. With my compromised immune system I could be taking a serious chance if I do contract it.

It's bothering me that there are some people who are aggressive either for or against the vaccine. Just because I have made the decision to get it doesn't mean that I think anyone else should or should not. My big beef recently has been with those who don't see a need to take precautions, not necessarily for themselves, but for those around them. Why scoff at cleaning commonly used things such as doorknobs and phones? How does taking precautions during this time harm them? Especially when there are folks such as myself, and much worse, who are more subject to getting it, and cannot fight it off like most?

I get that people are tired of hearing about it. But these people are also commenting on it on Facebook, and in general conversations. Why perpetuate it? If you are sick of it, just leave it alone. It will pass.

On a better note, my boyfriend is a smarty-smart pants who is rocking his Master program :) He makes me feel happy and swine-free :)